Reply to I feel like having a baby ruined my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been together for 12 years and while we never had a perfect marriage and there have been ups and downs we have always been pretty happy. However since having our baby over a year ago I feel like it ruined our marriage. We fight constantly and it seems the only thing we agree on is that we both love our child. Has anyone else experienced this and if so what did you do? [/quote]

Doesn't sound like you love your child as you are laying the blame for your problems at his/her feet. Please get help now before you ruin an innocent life.[/quote]

I don't think you are understanding me. This child could not be more loved and I am not blaming my innocent child for my marriage problems. I too struggled with infertility. It was a hard road to get pregnant for me and an extremely difficult birth. And between dealing with my postpartum mood issues, birth injuries, two full time jobs, etc. it's like DS eats up every last iota of goodwill, love, civility, patience, and energy that DH and I have and there's nothing left for each other let alone time for ourselves. He's been a lousy sleeper since birth so we don't even get to enjoy an hour or two together after he goes to bed because he is still waking up at least 2-3x per night. I just don't know how we get past the point where this needy human eats up all the energy we have. [/quote]

I totally understand you. [b]My suggestion is to find help. [/b]If you can, put money on the problem. Hire a nanny for a few hours a couple of days every week and spend time with your husband. Leave your child with their grandparents or nanny and go for a weekend away. Your child is old enough to be left with someone else for a couple of days. You both need time with each other to remember why you decided to be together. Your child will be much happier and grow up happier if you are able to fix your relationship.

Try to find happiness and joy in your child and in your husband. It's hard, but make the first step... I know I often do with my husband...[/quote]

I was going to suggest the same thing.  Where you can, make your life easier, not harder.  When our youngest kept waking up in the middle of the night, searching for a pacifier because it fell out and we were waking up multiple times a night, we decided to put 3 pacifiers in her crib.  When our oldest would wake up literally 5 minutes after my DH left for work ...about an hour before I got up, I asked if he would be able to feed her before he left so she would sleep longer ...and that gave me more time to both rest, pump milk, get everything packed up and ready before I woke her up for daycare.  We were fortunate our parents would visit and give us a small break.  We also would take walks as a family with the stroller during evenings and weekends and that was time for DH and I to talk while the kids were in the stroller.  Look for the small changes that can make a big difference to tamp down the feelings of being overwhelmed.

It is a big adjustment having kids.  I agree though that it brings out the things but that were already there and magnifies it. The flaws are there times 1000 but the strengths are also there.  You have to both be committed to coming out on the other side of things with each other and stay on each other's side as a team and remember what it is about the person why you wanted to marry each other.[/quote]

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