Reply to Question for stepparents

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Question for stepparents "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have 4 children.  2 I carried and 2 I did not.  I came into their lives when they were 2 and 5.

DH and I have 4 children.  We love them all.  Each one has different needs and we try very hard to meet those needs.

We are financially responsible for all 4 kids.  When we sit down to do the budgets for school, activities, clothes, trips, it's a lot of give and take.  The pie is only so big and has to be split 4 ways.  Both DH and I work to make the household run and give the kids what the need/want.

[b]The 2 children that I did not carry talk with me daily about whats going on in their lives, are amazing siblings to the other 3 kids, and contribute to the household.  Either parent can discipline any of the 4 children.  All kids know that what one parent says goes for the other parent.  I suspect it helps a lot that DH and I have very similar parenting/discipline philosophies.[/b][/quote]

I think this is important and has been echoed in a few other posts.

I love my skids in the sense that I want what's best for them and will support them in all they do.  I like everything about them...they're wonderful kids.  However, we only live five minutes from their mother and both BM and DH are fully available to the kids at all times so I had no "need" to fill in that respect.   As someone else suggested, I am more like an "aunt" to them.  It didn't help that DH never supported me in a parenting role in our household.  When I tried to do things like ask them to clean up after themselves from lunch or pick up their towels off the bathroom floor, DH would get mad at me.  He felt they were guests in our home and shouldn't have chores.  When I asked him to keep them out of my room b/c I didn't want them digging through my drawers taking my stuff, he told me "it's what kids do" and I would have to deal with it.  I'm given no thought on the holidays - no cards, no presents even though I bend over backwards to help DH shop for them every year.  I don't harbor any ill will toward them or DH for any of this, I just adjusted my expectations, took on a stand offish role, and basically just became their friend and supporter in life. Looking back, I regret not trying to build my own relationship with them outside of DH.  Because now I worry about what will happen when DH is gone and he's not there to facilitate their visits.  Will they ever reach out ot me?  Will they respond if I reach out to them?  Will they maintain a relationship with their half siblings who absolutely adore them?  We'll see.

[/quote]

I'll answer your question. No. They won't have much of a relationship with you.

I'm surprised you didn't write about how you tried to make it clear to your husband that this stuff was getting in the way of the kids feeling closer to you. I don't, PP. My dad sucked and my step mother followed his lead like you and back way, way off. My mother's side of the family wasn't much better (new kids and new husband) so I felt basically like I didn't have a home as much as custodians.

I actually wished my step mother pushed my father to actually be a parent. It would have made the world of a difference in our relationship and my relationship with him.

That said, even though I have 8 half siblings on both sides, I honestly view myself as someone with no family. I'm not close to either. I put myself through college, got a job 1500 miles away and basically only see them if there's no alternative. I've felt more welcome at Christmas at my college roommate's house than my step mother's for example.

I think you're resigned and this probably works for y'all, but it's sucks for those kids. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics