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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have 4 children.  2 I carried and 2 I did not.  I came into their lives when they were 2 and 5.

DH and I have 4 children.  We love them all.  Each one has different needs and we try very hard to meet those needs.

We are financially responsible for all 4 kids.  When we sit down to do the budgets for school, activities, clothes, trips, it's a lot of give and take.  The pie is only so big and has to be split 4 ways.  Both DH and I work to make the household run and give the kids what the need/want.

[b]The 2 children that I did not carry talk with me daily about whats going on in their lives, are amazing siblings to the other 3 kids, and contribute to the household.  Either parent can discipline any of the 4 children.  All kids know that what one parent says goes for the other parent.  I suspect it helps a lot that DH and I have very similar parenting/discipline philosophies.[/b][/quote]

I think this is important and has been echoed in a few other posts.

I love my skids in the sense that I want what's best for them and will support them in all they do.  I like everything about them...they're wonderful kids.  However, we only live five minutes from their mother and both BM and DH are fully available to the kids at all times so I had no "need" to fill in that respect.   As someone else suggested, I am more like an "aunt" to them.  It didn't help that DH never supported me in a parenting role in our household.  When I tried to do things like ask them to clean up after themselves from lunch or pick up their towels off the bathroom floor, DH would get mad at me.  He felt they were guests in our home and shouldn't have chores.  When I asked him to keep them out of my room b/c I didn't want them digging through my drawers taking my stuff, he told me "it's what kids do" and I would have to deal with it.  I'm given no thought on the holidays - no cards, no presents even though I bend over backwards to help DH shop for them every year.  I don't harbor any ill will toward them or DH for any of this, I just adjusted my expectations, took on a stand offish role, and basically just became their friend and supporter in life. Looking back, I regret not trying to build my own relationship with them outside of DH.  Because now I worry about what will happen when DH is gone and he's not there to facilitate their visits.  Will they ever reach out ot me?  Will they respond if I reach out to them?  Will they maintain a relationship with their half siblings who absolutely adore them?  We'll see.

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