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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I really appreciate all of the advice and I do realize this is a first world problem.  Believe me.  When I think of kids who will never know their grandparents, I know that I am being a brat.  But I knew all four of my grandparents and loved them without them showering me with gifts.  That's part of the problem--I want them to love my mom for who she is (she's a great person, despite this issue) and not because they think she is an ATM machine.  She obviously is not willing to teach them that lesson herself and they have grown to expect something from her each time she comes over.  Because, she usually has something in her hands.

I would tell her to keep the toys at her house but she has TONS of toys at her house.  Not just every single toy my brother and I had as a child but the hundreds of toys she buys at flea markets and junk stores.  Her house is worse than mine.

And THAT, I think, is the real problem.  Someone said I am a control freak and, yes, when it comes to clutter, I am.  I hate it.  And I have no issue throwing things away that I dont need or want.  She is the opposite--she keeps or thinks she can re-purpose everything and refuses to get rid of things.  To her, the more, the better.  And [b]she is turning my son into her[/b].  And, as a clutter freak, it makes me nuts.  And she knows it.  So, yes, it's a bit of a power issue but I just can't stand to have toys around that she bought for the sake of buying them.  I try, I really do, but enough is enough.

When I texted her today, she said that the toy she bought was part of his birthday present.  She does this all the time (she's done it twice now for this next birthday).  But on birthday day, in she comes with 8-9 gifts.  So, if I really thought she was being serious, I'd let it go.  But she has no intention of making it a birthday gift.  I've been through this before.

And as an aside, I told her I was going to get that gift for my younger son so she knew I was planning that.  And bought it anyway, for the other child.

I also agree with the PP that said to focus on experience gifts--I much prefer that and try to do that as much as possible (we usually do a birthday trip to celebrate both).  But because my mother has gotten them accustomed to so many gifts on birthdays and holidays, [b]that is what they equate with love[/b].  And that, is a major part of my problem.[/quote]

I think your fears are misplaced.  You are a far bigger influence on your kids than a grandmother.  I don't think she has the power to turn them into anything and as they grow older they will see more and more of her true personality, for good and for bad.  You cannot stop her (other than by doing far worse things, like cutting her off).  Her way of loving them is giving them things and I don't see how you stop that.  Just keep talking about the things that you value, keep pruning the toys ruthlessly and accept it.[/quote]

+1 This is the truth. Your kids are being raised by you, in your home. You are the one with the influence, and they are old enough to differentiate the way you handle things in your home and "being spoiled by grandma".[/quote]

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