Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did tell my son that since he feels he needs different toys, perhaps he has outgrown the toys he has and needs to give some away. The thought of getting rid of toys is usually daunting for him so I was hoping that would serve as enough of a lesson. But I do plan to follow through on it as it's at least one way to get the old junk out before the birthday onslaught begins. But that was going to happen anyway--it'll just happen a few weeks early. It's just tricky because a lot of the stuff that DS1 has outgrown is still age-appropriate for DS2 so I don't want to get rid of those toys--it's DS2's old toys that I want to get rid of.

I do like the one in, one out rule--I actually hold myself to that rule with clothes and jewelry. And I definitely sneak toys into the donation bin and trash can a lot.

Another part of the issue is that DS1 has a strong personality (obviously) so we butt heads more than I would like about a lot of things. He can be difficult. So having to deal with creating conflict over something as silly as too many toys is just frustrating. I have enough conflict with the child--there is no reason for this to be yet another one. And to make matters worse, it's my mother who is causing the conflict. After being told again and again to stop. It's almost like she is trying to purposely sabotage me and make my life harder, which just pisses me off. For example, DS will ask for a snack 15 minutes before we eat dinner or lunch. My mother, instead of just saying no like a normal person, will just pause, I will say "no, we are eating soon" and she will say "well, DS, mommy said no so you have to wait". WTF???? How about backing me up a little?

I just feel like she isn't on my side and is willing to sell me out if it means she gets to be the hero. I have multiple examples of this and have talked to her time and time again. And my kid is too young to understand that I'm trying to look out for his best interest.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a little dramatic and you sound like a bit too much of a control freak. I get that it's annoying, but isn't part of the fun of being 6 talking your grandparents into buying things for you? I'm sure your mom loves to play that role and is "blaming" your kid only because you call her on it and she probably thinks you're nuts and just wants to be a fun grandma. She gives your kid a birthday present early because she can't wait? So what? That's sweet, not something that warrants anger.

So is it worth being mad over, IMO? No. If the number of toys is an issue, get rid of them/donate regularly.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a little dramatic and you sound like a bit too much of a control freak. I get that it's annoying, but isn't part of the fun of being 6 talking your grandparents into buying things for you? I'm sure your mom loves to play that role and is "blaming" your kid only because you call her on it and she probably thinks you're nuts and just wants to be a fun grandma. She gives your kid a birthday present early because she can't wait? So what? That's sweet, not something that warrants anger.

So is it worth being mad over, IMO? No. If the number of toys is an issue, get rid of them/donate regularly.

Anonymous wrote:So much drama! Let grandma buy him things. Say thank you so much. The end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did tell my son that since he feels he needs different toys, perhaps he has outgrown the toys he has and needs to give some away. The thought of getting rid of toys is usually daunting for him so I was hoping that would serve as enough of a lesson. But I do plan to follow through on it as it's at least one way to get the old junk out before the birthday onslaught begins. But that was going to happen anyway--it'll just happen a few weeks early. It's just tricky because a lot of the stuff that DS1 has outgrown is still age-appropriate for DS2 so I don't want to get rid of those toys--it's DS2's old toys that I want to get rid of.

I do like the one in, one out rule--I actually hold myself to that rule with clothes and jewelry. And I definitely sneak toys into the donation bin and trash can a lot.

Another part of the issue is that DS1 has a strong personality (obviously) so we butt heads more than I would like about a lot of things. He can be difficult. So having to deal with creating conflict over something as silly as too many toys is just frustrating. I have enough conflict with the child--there is no reason for this to be yet another one. And to make matters worse, it's my mother who is causing the conflict. After being told again and again to stop. It's almost like she is trying to purposely sabotage me and make my life harder, which just pisses me off. For example, DS will ask for a snack 15 minutes before we eat dinner or lunch. My mother, instead of just saying no like a normal person, will just pause, I will say "no, we are eating soon" and she will say "well, DS, mommy said no so you have to wait". WTF???? How about backing me up a little?

I just feel like she isn't on my side and is willing to sell me out if it means she gets to be the hero. I have multiple examples of this and have talked to her time and time again. And my kid is too young to understand that I'm trying to look out for his best interest.

Wow, you are totally mental.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the advice and I do realize this is a first world problem. Believe me. When I think of kids who will never know their grandparents, I know that I am being a brat. But I knew all four of my grandparents and loved them without them showering me with gifts. That's part of the problem--I want them to love my mom for who she is (she's a great person, despite this issue) and not because they think she is an ATM machine. She obviously is not willing to teach them that lesson herself and they have grown to expect something from her each time she comes over. Because, she usually has something in her hands.

I would tell her to keep the toys at her house but she has TONS of toys at her house. Not just every single toy my brother and I had as a child but the hundreds of toys she buys at flea markets and junk stores. Her house is worse than mine.

And THAT, I think, is the real problem. Someone said I am a control freak and, yes, when it comes to clutter, I am. I hate it. And I have no issue throwing things away that I dont need or want. She is the opposite--she keeps or thinks she can re-purpose everything and refuses to get rid of things. To her, the more, the better. And she is turning my son into her. And, as a clutter freak, it makes me nuts. And she knows it. So, yes, it's a bit of a power issue but I just can't stand to have toys around that she bought for the sake of buying them. I try, I really do, but enough is enough.

When I texted her today, she said that the toy she bought was part of his birthday present. She does this all the time (she's done it twice now for this next birthday). But on birthday day, in she comes with 8-9 gifts. So, if I really thought she was being serious, I'd let it go. But she has no intention of making it a birthday gift. I've been through this before.

And as an aside, I told her I was going to get that gift for my younger son so she knew I was planning that. And bought it anyway, for the other child.

I also agree with the PP that said to focus on experience gifts--I much prefer that and try to do that as much as possible (we usually do a birthday trip to celebrate both). But because my mother has gotten them accustomed to so many gifts on birthdays and holidays, that is what they equate with love. And that, is a major part of my problem.

I think your fears are misplaced. You are a far bigger influence on your kids than a grandmother. I don't think she has the power to turn them into anything and as they grow older they will see more and more of her true personality, for good and for bad. You cannot stop her (other than by doing far worse things, like cutting her off). Her way of loving them is giving them things and I don't see how you stop that. Just keep talking about the things that you value, keep pruning the toys ruthlessly and accept it.