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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Confusedchaos]Thank you guys for the advice. I can't put into words how much I needed to read this. It really helped me make a decision that is right for my son and myself. I do have friends, and family that can help me through this... But it will be hell to leave him, I am leaving him asap but the only problem is, do I keep his secret? He says he will "kill himself" if I leave him. He also says that I can't tell anyone about his secret. He is more worried about the secret getting out instead of losing us. I am worried if I leave, he will get crazy and harass me . i just am a little scared to leave. But I am going to leave because with the fighting and the confusing me by manipulating me into thinking it is my fault is confusing and physically making me sick. I do have a best friend who is willing to help me in any way and that includes help me get an apartment. Only problem is, when I do try to leave, he hides my keys, and blocks the doorway and says I can't take our son. and then if I say "i will tell everyone about your secret" he says all I do is threaten him and that I am not allowed to go anywhere because I am not thinking clearly.[/quote]

This is chilling. It goes beyond the question of whether or not he is a sex addict and can be rehabilitated - his issues go much, much deeper than that and I would say NO - he will never change. He is toxic, he is an abuser and he is very sick. This is a clear-cut case of abuse and you should definitely call the domestic violence hormone, as PP said, to get strategies to leave in the safest way possible.

Whatever harm he threatens himself with - that's pure manipulation, and ultimately it's on him - all of the terrible choices he's making are on HIM, as is his pain and sadness and rage and even his vulnerability. But he will try his hardest to make YOU carry all that for him and feel responsible for it - which is classic Snyder behavior, and classic NPD/BPD behavior (personality disorders for which there is no cure).

The fact that you recognize all this and know that you need to get out despite how beaten down you are in the thick of it is is a huge positive for you.
It will be hard to leave him, but you can do it - you MUST do it. The first step is to call the domestic violence hotline. Whether or not he gets help for his addiction is completely irrelevant at this point.

Best of luck to you!!

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