Reply to Do cliques form in Elementary school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It starts in preschool. Most cliques are really initiated my moms.

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Yes social engineering moms are the worst. Worst offenders grew up in DC or their husbands did. [/quote]

I agree. HOWEVER, sometimes DC make their own plans, and it is hard for the parents to get overly involved.  Some parents only get involved in health or safety issues (give or take) in older elementary.

Some parents take offense to this - but it is not meant as a "engineering" situation, just a different way of parenting.  I have had kids ask my kid if they want to do XX after school - my kid says no, then the parent comes to me and asks me (knowing that my kid says no) - that kind of engineering is not acceptable (for the parent to get involved, knowing that the other DC said no!). It is not going to help, in any way, and may drive my kid away from your kid (and then the other kid becomes known for their parent going against the original answer - so not fair to your kid).  Don't do that to your kid. [/quote]

Of course you shouldn't force your kid to go on a playdate, but it is your job to teach your child kindness, including playing with a variety of kids, even kids who aren't their best friends or might seem initially "weird" or different from your child.[/quote]

Totally agree PP :). I think I've seen almost the opposite PP to PP...  It's more  the discussion of parents who assert that their daughters or sons aren't "the mean girls or boys " and then only set up playdates with kids they perceive as or have decided are"nice". Okay. Not only is this reverse labeling and kind of locking their own kid into an expectation of always being 'nice' (a lot of pressure if you ask me) , but typically, the kids who've made the grade as "nice"  are the children of their very own parent's  friends. So who is to say which beget which, but it becomes its own kind of engineering and also demonstrates a bit of a lack of awareness. It's complicated, but more than anything I think that people are asking here that kids not be pre- or permanently judged, and that parents look for some little ways to model or support friendship mixes and inclusivity. How do we ask kids to go up and "talk to someone new" when we won't do it ourselves? Yes, we might be shy or reluctant or set in our ways,  but so are kids. Why would we assume it's any easier or comes naturally for them, or that they are regularly just nice or just mean.  So let's  try harder ourselves and be understanding and supportive of them and look for opportunities to bud new connections big or small. [/quote]

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