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[quote=Anonymous]OP - I don't mean to be crass, but is it possible your FIL is also terminal and told your MIL not to tell anyone?  Maybe she is trying (in her PA way) to tell you and her son to spend more time with your dying father/FIL?

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand how your MIL is aware of how much time you are spending with YOUR father and family? Is she following your car? Keep your responses vague--busy with work and summertime schedules. [/quote]

When she calls DH and asks where he is he tells her.[/quote]

I also agree with the other posters about how to stop her PA comments.  Start by telling her there's a huge work project and DH has to devote most or all his time to that.  He shouldn't tell her he's "with your father" when she asks where he is.  He needs to say "at work" which isn't a lie.

And finally, the best way to stop the PA comments is to address the underlying feeling or concern your MIL has.  Like the other PP said, she's probably feeling left out or second-fiddle or abandoned or unloved.  When she makes a PA comment about you not visiting enough (or visiting your dad more), you should ignore the comment but address the underlying feeling.

"I'm so sorry you feel like we don't visit you enough.  Right now is a really busy time for all of us and we would love to visit you and dad more.  We can't wait until the busy project is over.  Let's try and think of what we can do in a couple months (or next fall or whatever timeframe) to make up for all this lost time."

And then when she starts the PA talk again in future visits, remind her of what you guys can do later.  Respond with "Let's plan that special trip we were talking about"

After your dad's illness is out in the open, she'll probably forget about the trip or if not, you could say "I'm sure you understand that I'm really not up for going on the trip right now.  perhaps next year"[/quote]

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