Reply to Your BIL ( sister's husband) says something offensive towards you how do handle it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Assuming you've already confronted the behavior. This incident is one in a series of rude behaviors by BIL. Sister is "queen bee" of family so parents and most other siblings will do nothing to confront behavior.

A. Only attend functions related to the kids ie  bday parties for niece and nephew keeping visits brief.

B. Only attend holiday functions ie Thanksgiving an Christmas

C. Both A & B

D. Completely cut them off.

I should say that one  of my siblings  is taking approach C.

I'm not really comfortable being around him, my sister, or other siblings, but feel guilty being distant during gatherings because of parents ( though they had a hand in creating this situation ) and because of the kids.

Really struggling on what to do.[/quote]

I had a similar problem but it was easier to solve, since it was my husband's brother and wife. I simply did not go to family events at their house or my in-law's house. They were allowed to come to mine. If I felt I DID have to go to an event, I made sure to take my own car so I could simply leave if need be and my husband could bring whichever kids who didn't come with me, home.

In your situation, you could go to all events and take a separate car. When bad behavior starts, simply leave. That way you show you won't tolerate it, but kids can still attend family events. Your guilt is completely misplaced and not warranted. Easy to say, I know, but it's critical that you create boundaries. Explain it all to your kids in age-appropriate ways and don't let your parents guilt you. Simply respond with "I will not tolerate X or Y behavior" calmly. Rinse. Repeat.

When my eldest turned 18, his greatest disappointment was that my husband's family stopped their comments and behavior in his presence - he was just waiting to be able to speak up as an adult  :lol: [/quote]

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