Reply to Women are freezing their eggs because they cannot find similarly successful men

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would freeze them!! 
As someone who went through IVF (unexplained fertility) to have all my kids I'm going to recommend that my daughters freeze their eggs in their early 20s.  Why not?  The cost is nominal and I'll be happy to pay it for them.

20 year old eggs have something like a 75% chance of working in IVF (even higher in some clinics). 
By age 30 IVF pregnancy success rates fall to about 50%. 
By age 40 they're closer to 20%. 
By age 42 they're around 10% or often less. 
[/quote]

But how well do eggs from a 20-year-old woman fertilize after 20 years in the freezer? There's no way to know that yet, because young women didn't freeze their eggs 20 years ago. But I've heard enough egg freezing horror stories (one of my friends had zero eggs survive thawing!) to be skeptical.[/quote]

Different PP.  I do think that the egg freezing thing gives people a false sense of security.  But, on the other hand, I think there are some women who don't really want to have children; they just want the option.  This is similar to men.  There are men who won't admit to themselves or others that they don't want kids (and that's why they won't get a vasectomy), but if by 40 or 45, they don't have them, I think it's pretty clear they didn't want them enough to make it happen (or at least try).

This is something that doesn't get discussed much.  It's the difference between actually wanting to have children v. wanting to remain fertile/virile.   I also think that is at the heart of why so many women suddenly want children at 37, even though it's never been a priority or even at the forefront before that.  It's the feeling that a window is closing and the heavy pressure that they're not fulfilling their biological imperative.  Usually, once they have them, they, of course, love their children and change the narrative that they always wanted them or that they can't imagine not having them.  But the reality is that they probably would've been okay not having them.

Of all of the women I know (including myself), the ones who really wanted to have children prioritized it.  There are some women who say they can't find a husband or a man worthy of being a husband, but for them, I think the issue is they don't really want a husband.  They want some romanticized version of husband and family that doesn't exist.  Again, I suspect that they don't necessarily want a family.  But society kind of stigmatizes that attitude.

This is just a theory I have.  It applies to men and women.  I think there are a lot of fence sitters who hope fate makes a choice for them (i.e., they get pregnant by accident or it just never works out) because if they have regrets, they can tell themselves it's not really their fault.

I just don't believe there aren't enough men who aren't losers.  I don't think that's the real issue.

I'm sure I'll get flamed.  [/quote]

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