Reply to Would like to hear from parents of older teens who were caught with marijuana

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[quote=Anonymous]As I see it, the issue isn't about whether or not it's ok to use marijuana.  It is trust and poor judgment - to the extent that he has had serious consequences imposed.  OP said no use of pot while in her house.  OP's son not only used, but got caught twice.  Second time OP's son got caught, he got kicked out of school so it is going to cost OP money and be a huge pain for her because of his poor judgment and failure to follow her directives.  Finally, he didn't make any effort to get a job.

I know exactly what I would do.  I had something happen with one of my kids that was not use of drugs, but it very much caused me not to trust him.  So, he lost everything.  He was no longer permitted to be out of the sight of a parent unless he was at school.  We arranged his summer so that he volunteered full days - we dropped him off and picked him up.  He had to shower in our bathroom with one of us outside.  He had to sleep on the floor of our bedroom and had to go to bed and get up when we did.  Literally, he was never allowed alone.  It was a very difficult time.  But, my son turned around - not to say that he doesn't do dumb teen things anymore, but they are more like forgetting to let us know where he is, not things that could get him kicked out of school or removed from the home to a juvenile placement.

Once I found him to be somewhat trustworthy, then we worked on re-building.  The goal was to change things to that he didn't have the opportunity to get in trouble and where we set him up for success.  He wasn't looking for a job on his own, so I found job leads for him and I drove him.  Then I sat with him later while he followed up by e-mail and phone.  It didn't take long before he decided to look for his own job because he wanted one that he liked rather than something I found that he qualified for.  [/quote]

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