Reply to Oppositional Defiant Disorder: losing my MIND, need a good thearapist/DX

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son is very difficult, but more so at school. Is there any difference between school and home? Is he always angry? What keeps him calm and happy?

For my son, the neuropsych testing was not very helpful as we already knew that anxiety and ADHD were driving him. Even with his behaviors, he is not considered odd.  Medication was key (Zoloft first, then added Concerta). We have also had success with a social skills group (Alvord and Baker) and family therapy. However, individual therapy is still not something he is ready for- he is 9. It ends up being too much of what he hates- talking about his feelings.[/quote]

He is great at school and from what I read on ODD that can be quite typical.  He is not angry when he is doing what he wants, but the SECOND my DH or I ask him to do something even minor he meltdown.  Hes happy as can br as long as hes dictating the shots.  Hang your  backpack up results in rage. He gets irritated at the most minor of things. Today was the way his brother was breathing (allergies and stuffy).

So, we walk on eggshells. Tonight in order to get him in the shower,  i didn't ask him to get in the shower, i coaxed him upstairs and into the bathroom ans then asked him to get in thr shower. A tantrum ensued, but at least we were in the bathroom, not downstairs, which getring up the stairs for a shower is half the battle. We basicslly operate around him. It is is mentally taxing. I love my son, but im ashamed to admit, im beginning to not like him very much.[/quote]

Hugs to you.  I'm so sorry.  This sounds so much like my son.  It is exhausting. With kids who are oppositional, there is no positive feedback to keep you going through the rough stuff, and it drains your soul.

All I can tell you is that with time our DS is beginning to mature (he is 14) and the tantrums and compliance issues don't come quite as often now.  He has been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and the concerta made a huge difference in his mood, even more than the Zoloft.

We go to Kennedy Krieger.  A large part of therapy is teaching parents how to react, not teaching the kids how to behave.  Learning to ignore or respond with equilibrium is key (and that is very difficult, I know). And not to ever get into arguments.  Consistency - don't let your guard down and think, well this one time I can give in because he's been such a dear the past few hours.  They need to know what to expect.  For example, I learned to go in and turn off the computer if DS didn't get off the first time I asked.  Didn't give him multiple warnings, I just went in and said, time's up.  After a few times of that, and losing progress in games he was playing (and yes, a few meltdowns), he is now much more likely to get off as soon as I walk into the room. He still rarely gets off if I ask from another room, but this is progress.

Lots of praise when he does something right or the first time you ask.  Lots and lots and lots of praise.  Tell him all the things he's doing right.  Give him big rewards.

Good luck. Make sure you take some time for yourself to recharge.

[/quote]

I agree with this. Ridiculous amounts of praise for positive behaviours and zero emotional reaction from your part for negative behavior.  "No, I'm not doing my homework" You: "That's unfortunate because you are so bright and your teacher will be so disappointed. Remember you earn ipad time when you complete your assignments" If he hits his sibling, you say, very calmly "You know that is not acceptable, you have lost (insert whatever privilege) but you can earn it back if you offer a heartfelt apology any time today, whenever you are ready" and then walk away.  The less we react, the less he reacts and the shorter his tantrums.  Keeping your cool and not allowing yourself to get worked up helps you stay less stressed also. [/quote]

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