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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 11 year old just threw epic tantrum. He hit a friend, they told me so I ended playdate and sent him to his room. He refused to go. Started throwing toys, shoes, everything yelling I'm not going to my room.  I grabbed his arm started pulling him toward his room. He started kicking, biting, hitting me. I got him to his room.  He's now throwing things in his room yelling and cryo by.

DCUM, what do I do?[/quote]

Mom of 10 1/2 year old boy with anxiety/ADHD- I have been dealing with this kind of behavior off and on for years, and it's rearing it's head again as my DS is starting to add some hormones to the mix.

First, in future, don't force your kid to his room during a meltdown. Sure, a safe place if he is being aggressive, destructive or dangerous...however, it sounds like the aggression and destructive behavior was fueled by being sent to his room. Forced time outs for kids who struggle with emotional regulation will often cause terrible behavior escalation. A meltdown is no time to start a power struggle.

2nd- I'm a lot more concerned that your son hit his friend than I am about his meltdown. Usually anxiety (I am making an assumption that this is anxiety fueled by hormones and possibly a more global issue) will keep a kid in check around other kids by this age. They *do not* want the negative attention. Ending a playdate would have been quite embarrassing for your son (although of course it was the right thing to do). It's why his emotions were so explosive.

Now, I would simply withdraw from the battle-- tell your son that he must pick up his mess and that he will either need to skip the next playdate or lose some screen time for his behavior toward you. Let him know that his behavior was upsetting Punishment at this point is symbolic- ending the playdate was the big punishment, and the escalation needs to be dealt with via a therapist if this is not the first time this has happened.

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