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[quote=Anonymous]What did you do when he had tantrums as a toddler?

Serious question.

Sometimes our kids need help calming down.  They know they're losing control, but they don't know how to regain it.  I do feel like our first job is to help them come back to themselves.  Literally to calm the f*uck down, no matter how bad their behavior.

Some kids can go to their room and calm themselves down. Others most certainly can not, even as a tween or teen.  Those kids don't need to be "banished" to stew in their unmanageable feelings.  They need to be helped in the moment to calm down.

THEN . . . you can talk to him and hear what happened, and why he was so completely inappropriate with his friend etc.  It's all part of the same thing -- clearly he has trouble managing his feelings properly.  When he gets angry, it just explodes.  He needs help with that.

AND . . . he also needs a clear consequence for hitting his friend.  You'll want to have something in mind when you talk to him, but if it were me, I'd first ask him what he thinks is appropriate.  If he's calm, he might be able to address it himself, which is a second way of taking responsibility for his bad behavior.

Of course, whatever consequence you/he come up with, he'll also need to apologize to his friend.  That's a given, in part because it's another way to be accountable for his actions.  Hitting is never an appropriate way to express his anger or frustration.  He needs to acknowledge that and apologize to his friend.[/quote]

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