Reply to How to keep from feeling embarrased when you get rejected by DH/DW?

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[quote=Anonymous]OK, this is a very important thing for couples to resolve. You need to TALK to your spouse, not when you've just initiated something, but at some other time when you're both relaxed and hanging out. Tell him how it makes you feel. Say you want both of you to be able to feel free to initiate and to decline. He needs to find a way to let you down gently--and then initiate when he IS in the moon. "Sorry, honey, I would love that but I'm worn out, can I get a rain check for tomorrow" is so much nicer than being wordlessly pushed away. Or, if someone tries something new and it's rejected, it HAS to be talked about later. Otherwise you'll stop trying new stuff. And everything will grow routine, boring and stale. Bottom line, it's fine to seek online comments on this, but you HAVE to talk to your spouse about this and if he resists talking openly, you have to PERSIST and PERSIST because a failure to talk about this kind of thing openly is poison for a marriage. Believe me, I know! I waited far too long to insist on these discussions. Both my spouse and I love and want the other but sometimes, for various reasons, we just are not in the mood, and that HAS to be OK. You don't want someone feeling like they have to go along with something they don't really feel like doing, just to keep the other happy. So you have to challenge yourself to get comfortable with rejection, but your spouse also has to listen to your feelings and come up with a way of talking with you about this so that an occasionally rejection doesn't feel like a rejection of your whole person. Seriously, work on this. It's very, very important.   [/quote]

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