OK, this is a very important thing for couples to resolve. You need to TALK to your spouse, not when you've just initiated something, but at some other time when you're both relaxed and hanging out. Tell him how it makes you feel. Say you want both of you to be able to feel free to initiate and to decline. He needs to find a way to let you down gently--and then initiate when he IS in the moon. "Sorry, honey, I would love that but I'm worn out, can I get a rain check for tomorrow" is so much nicer than being wordlessly pushed away. Or, if someone tries something new and it's rejected, it HAS to be talked about later. Otherwise you'll stop trying new stuff. And everything will grow routine, boring and stale. Bottom line, it's fine to seek online comments on this, but you HAVE to talk to your spouse about this and if he resists talking openly, you have to PERSIST and PERSIST because a failure to talk about this kind of thing openly is poison for a marriage. Believe me, I know! I waited far too long to insist on these discussions. Both my spouse and I love and want the other but sometimes, for various reasons, we just are not in the mood, and that HAS to be OK. You don't want someone feeling like they have to go along with something they don't really feel like doing, just to keep the other happy. So you have to challenge yourself to get comfortable with rejection, but your spouse also has to listen to your feelings and come up with a way of talking with you about this so that an occasionally rejection doesn't feel like a rejection of your whole person. Seriously, work on this. It's very, very important.

I don't initiate with DW anymore.

I've been rejected so many times. I can't bring myself to do it except on very rare occasions.

I'm 35 and it's been this way a few years already.

I just stopped initiating long ago.

DH here. I can honestly say I have never turned down my DW when she wants to try something new. At the same time she is definitely not kinky. On the other hand she has definitely turned me down but I'm ok with it because it's her body. She doesn't like to receive oral but thank god she likes to give it.

How to get over embarrassment? Honestly I wear a low cut shirt and sexiest bra that I have. I have a great set and alttough I would love it if my DH would lust after me, sometimes I settle and get that extra attention from cute guys at the mall or restaurant. I want to feel desired by DH, but feeling desired by someone at all is better than nothing. It helps boost my hurt ego but is definitely not a long term fix.

[Unfortunately, not every men operates the same.
It sure would be interesting to have that kind of reaction from DH, oh well!

Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband had never once rejected my sexual advances. He's happy for any sort of initiation from me. If i told him putting on a fur suit turned me on, he would have sex with me in a fur suit.

You must be young.

I am a man and I'm the same way as the PPs DH. I have never rejected sex when initiated by my wife and I'm 51. I sure as HELL have never rejected a BJ. My wife has also gained weight in the last 26 years as expected and she cut her hair. I've gained weight and my hair has thinned. It's called getting old, it happens to everyone, so what? This has not diminished my desire for her.

Anytime DW wants to try somwthing new, I'm fair game. The wind blows and my dick gets hard. She looks at me and I'm hard. It has nothing to do with "being young" because I'm getting old and my desire hasn't dried up with my skin.