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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]4 sets? As in both your parents are separated/widowed/etc and so you each have two separate parent sets that visit? That could be tough... and none of the four sets help? Or is it just the one that's especially unhelpful? I only have 2 sets but my problem is the unhelpfulness plus they visit a LOT for being out of town. We are at 4 1/2 months and each set has visited 3 times already. [/quote]

Yes. Two of the parents are remarried, so they come separately with their spouses. The other two have long term boyfriend/girlfriends but generally come alone. TBH it's exhausting but my big complaint is with the MIL. She was a single mother growing up by choice (two divorces) and looooves to be spoiled by DH. When she is here DH caters to her, cooking food or getting expensive carryout to accommodate her insane vegan diet and doing all the cleaning, and then all she does is hang out with the baby. When I call DH out on it he says it is his choice and he wants to spoil his mother. He seems to feel perpetual guilt for the sacrifices she made while she raised him and the fact that he moved away out of state. She is now coming to visit every 2.5-3 months which I think is too much, and she lays the guilt on thick when she is here about how hard it is to be away from her grandchild and starts asking when she can come on her next trip before she's even left. When she makes an offer to do something to help, DH refuses and does it himself, then ends up resentful. I try to help him with the cooking and cleaning but then get mad when we are both spending our weekends doing all the cooking and dishes while she hangs out with our kid, which we rarely get a chance to do during the week.  But then he gets mad at me for being mad at her.

FWIW I am grateful she loves her grandchild and is working to have an active relationship but I don't know how to get her to pitch in when DH doesn't see the need for her to lift a finger. My feeling is that if she wants to come down as often as she is and DH is buying some or all of her flights and we are paying for all her fancy groceries and special meals since she won't eat what we normally cook, then she should do some things to help us. But DH doesn't agree and seems to think her visits need to be a vacation for her. This has become a huge sticking point for us. [/quote]

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