Reply to I don't know what to do...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=mshakespeare][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I'm a good but healthy cook and if we were eating the same stuff I'm pretty sure he'd lose weight.[/quote]

This is mythical thinking. He is not obese because he does't have access to healthy food. He is obese for other reasons, both psychological and physical (once you're obese its not just metabolism but gut bacteria that changes). If he has not lost weight for his daughter, he will not for you. And he has not for himself.

I see only way way this is going to work: surgery, therapy AND a commitment to a healthy lifestyle after. Yes, its an ultimatum, but honestly if he is morbidly obese but willing to lose the woman he loves and risk his own life and leaving his daughter in order to hold onto his weight, then his problems are deeper than you want to acknowledge and you should probably not marry him.

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OP here - I agree with you.  The medication has been a large part of the problem weight-wise I think, although he has never been slim. He has a large frame (think tall, meaty linebacker). He sees a psychiatrist every few months to check his meds, but he is not in any kind of therapy and I think that's what he needs. I also think he needs a PCP who can coordinate all the things he needs - help figure out medications that work that do not cause weight gain, and help us figure out a plan (whether we try to do it ourselves with the help of a nutritionist, or go the bariatric surgery route). It is hard to get him to go to the doctor.

I'm not an ultimatum kind of person and I would probably stick with him for as long as he has, but it makes me extraordinarily sad that our time together will likely be cut short. He is the love of my life. Once a month I cry about this, but then we have wonderful times together in every way. So I'm just stuck.[/quote]

OP - when you say morbidly obese - what is his body fat percentage? Height? Do NOT use BMI as an indicator - it is not accurate.

Also - he may need therapy - you mention that he uses food as a coping mechanism for some depression issues...

You need to treat him like any other addict - fortunately - he chose food instead of drugs or alcohol - but it can be just as unhealthy - without the other issues associated with drugs and alcohol.

That is how you should approach this...

Do you want to live your life with an addict and have to go through the process of having him overcome his addiction? Do you believe you can support him through this? Do you believe that he will even try?[/quote]

He is my best friend and I would not abandon him unless he was not treating me well. He is a wonderful person and makes my life richer in every way. Even if he never changes, I would treasure the time I had with him.

He is about 6'2" and at least 350 pounds - so BMI seems to be at least 44.9.

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