Reply to MIL pressuring my daughter to tell her everything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.[/quote]

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much.  I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year)  The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc. 
[/quote]

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.[/quote]

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone. [/quote]

A 4-year old can't play unsupervised with a 7-year old cousin, with responsible adults in the house? That seems over the top. Still, MIL should respect the parents' rules, even if she disagrees.[/quote]

Op here, not if said adults are upstairs out of sight and out of earshot of the kids. We are talking about a four year old. I know it's hard to imagine that kids could do anything with adults present in the house, but I know unfortunately from experience and from hearing about others experiences that this can and does happen even when adults are in the house. But I want to be clear, it's not molestation only (or exposure to playing doctor) that I worry about. It's a safety issue and it's a physical and emotional isssue. If my kids are to stay with MiL she has to respect that watching them means keeping an eye on them. My son is 1. I'm sorry that this makes people feel that I'm a bit over the top but I have my reasons. [b]As a mom my first priority is to look out for the safety and welfare of my children.[/b]  [/quote]

Then DO SO, by either watching your kids yourself/with your husband, by leaving them with a more trustworthy/play-by-the-rules friend or family member, or by hiring a professional caregiver. MIL isn't working out. OK. Instead of playing politics and trying to "win" and bend her to your will, thank her for what she has done for you, and MOVE ON.[/quote]

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