Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

Now you are putting your issues on your kid. Yes that's weird. Not normal.

+1 you are going to mess your kids up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

Now you are putting your issues on your kid. Yes that's weird. Not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

Now you are putting your issues on your kid. Yes that's weird. Not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

A 4-year old can't play unsupervised with a 7-year old cousin, with responsible adults in the house? That seems over the top. Still, MIL should respect the parents' rules, even if she disagrees.

I'm going to agree that is extreme. If OP has some background that leads her to have extreme concerns about molestation, I think its fine to respect that, but in that case I would not allow overnight visits at all. It's unreasonable to say that a 4yo and 7yo can't be alone in the house together, when the adults are in the house. That is not a normal restriction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

A 4-year old can't play unsupervised with a 7-year old cousin, with responsible adults in the house? That seems over the top. Still, MIL should respect the parents' rules, even if she disagrees.

Op here, not if said adults are upstairs out of sight and out of earshot of the kids. We are talking about a four year old. I know it's hard to imagine that kids could do anything with adults present in the house, but I know unfortunately from experience and from hearing about others experiences that this can and does happen even when adults are in the house. But I want to be clear, it's not molestation only (or exposure to playing doctor) that I worry about. It's a safety issue and it's a physical and emotional isssue. If my kids are to stay with MiL she has to respect that watching them means keeping an eye on them. My son is 1. I'm sorry that this makes people feel that I'm a bit over the top but I have my reasons. As a mom my first priority is to look out for the safety and welfare of my children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use them as caregivers unless you trust them to care for your child in a healthy way, fostering good relationships.

Eithter they are trustworthy caregivers, or they are not. Which is it?

If you use them for child care, you have to accept them, warts and all. If you can't do that, pay for good child care, and try to enojy supervised grandparent visits.

Grandparents are fun people to visit. Caregivers are a different role. Decide whether or not you can trust them, but don't take advantage of their time and then complain about how they care for your child.

It's usually a grandparent overnight visit twice a month. I'm not taking advantage of their time. They want the visit just as much. I'm seriously considering stopping it. Physically she takes good care of our kids but she also chooses to disregard some of our more important rules (one we head butted over last year) The rule that she never leave our kids unsupervised with other kids. She was infamous for leaving my oldest dd with a cousin (her brother's son) who is about 3 years older in the basement watching a movie or playing. I shared that I was uncomfortable with kids being left alone because many things can occur (child molestation, exchange of unhealthy info etc) and she continued it so this until we finally got FIL involved. I don't like leaving my kids with her alone because she doesn't respect my rules. She always tells me that she raised Dh etc.

You won't leave your DD alone with a cousin in the basement for fear of molestation? Omg you are a loon.

A loon? Or a person who has been molested by older relatives when left alone.

A 4-year old can't play unsupervised with a 7-year old cousin, with responsible adults in the house? That seems over the top. Still, MIL should respect the parents' rules, even if she disagrees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 4 year old daughter recently shared that my MIL told her doing her last visit that she is supposed to tell her everything, everything about her and her brother. My dd expressed that she told her no. Because I know my MIL, I gathered she has been pumping my daughter for information relative to the private matters of our home in our absence. I don't want to jump the gun here. After all, I am getting this information from a preschooler. My MIL and I get along great. We have bumped heads in the past but it's never been something we can't get past. I however, fear that she may be unintentionally creating an uncomfortable dynamic with my dd.
Should I try to ask my dd more pressing questions about what specifically was asked? I didn't push the matter because I don't want to alert my daughter that something was wrong.
Am I overreacting? My MIL has a tendency to do certain things when my FIL isn't present. This is something I can't see her saying with others around. Also during another recent visit my dd expressed to my Mil that she wasn't supposed to do something (that Mil is aware of) and MIL told my dd that she knows more than me and she allowed dd to do it. I appreciate having an involved grandparent but I fear she may not know her place.

I do realize that she could've been coming from a good place and I'm interpreting this all wrong. What are your thoughts?

Yes, very much so. What are you hiding?

Now I know that she wasn't asking anything relative to our house. As far as hiding anything, I think my husband and I are entitled to live our lives without worry that my MIL is having DD come back and report the inner workings of our lives. I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation.

She's FOUR. You expect her to not go tell grandma when you say "Grandma is wrong and you are right"? You expect her to not repeat things she hears around your house? I think your expectations of a four year old understanding what can and can't be told are a bit strange.

She's supposed to tell you everything that happened at grandma's, but she's not supposed to tell anything that happens at home to grandma?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 4 year old daughter recently shared that my MIL told her doing her last visit that she is supposed to tell her everything, everything about her and her brother. My dd expressed that she told her no. Because I know my MIL, I gathered she has been pumping my daughter for information relative to the private matters of our home in our absence. I don't want to jump the gun here. After all, I am getting this information from a preschooler. My MIL and I get along great. We have bumped heads in the past but it's never been something we can't get past. I however, fear that she may be unintentionally creating an uncomfortable dynamic with my dd.
Should I try to ask my dd more pressing questions about what specifically was asked? I didn't push the matter because I don't want to alert my daughter that something was wrong.
Am I overreacting? My MIL has a tendency to do certain things when my FIL isn't present. This is something I can't see her saying with others around. Also during another recent visit my dd expressed to my Mil that she wasn't supposed to do something (that Mil is aware of) and MIL told my dd that she knows more than me and she allowed dd to do it. I appreciate having an involved grandparent but I fear she may not know her place.

I do realize that she could've been coming from a good place and I'm interpreting this all wrong. What are your thoughts?

Yes, very much so. What are you hiding?

Now I know that she wasn't asking anything relative to our house. As far as hiding anything, I think my husband and I are entitled to live our lives without worry that my MIL is having DD come back and report the inner workings of our lives. I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation.