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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, OP, there isn't another more accurate word for how you're acting. She's a sophomore. Her grades count and her studies are difficult. She can't focus or get anything done when there is noise and there's you, her dad (I'm assuming the DH is yours and not hers, per your post), and her brother. That's A LOT of distractions and you're asking way too much of her. You need to explain the level of work she has to her brother as it won't be any different when he's her age - he'll be doing the same exact thing.

It is entirely unreasonable to expect an hour from her each night before dinner, then she has dinner during which she can't do anything, so you're taking anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours away from her every night. That's NUTS!!

You need to check yourself - and your son - and stop being selfish. Spending time with you won't get her into a good college. [/quote]

So, [b]you think it may be an accurate assessment that a 10th grader has anywhere from 4-7 hours of homework every single night? [/b] My 10th grader probably has 2-2.5 hours generally, sometimes as much as 4. But, at times, he stays up in his room like OP's daughter from 3:30 til 10pm, barely coming out. If I ask him what's up that he has so much homework that night, he says he only had the normal amount, he just dragged it out by messing around. That is probably the case with most any teenager who holes up in their room all afternoon and night. That is what I think OP would like to discourage. [/quote]

Some high schoolers so have this much homework. But even if Ozp's daughter doesn't, there is nothing wrong with her spending some time in evening just hanging out in her room. After being at school all day, extracurriculars, family dinner, & homework maybe she just wants some alone time to decompress before bed. Some people crave that, even need it.Teens included![/quote]

NP. Of course they do, and nothing's wrong with it. Totally normal. But if it was just "some" alone time, rather than "tons of" alone time, OP wouldn't be missing her and wondering how to get her to come out of her room. [/quote]

How time she is spending alone in her room just hanging out really depends on the amount of homework she actually has, though. It's  possible she's doing homework for all but 20-30 minutes of the time she's in her room most evenings. Even if it's an hour or an hour and a half, I don't think that's an excessive amount of time for her to be hanging out in her room (as long as her parents are checking once in while to ensure she's not doing anything she shouldn't be while she's in there alone).

[b]She's 15. What should she be doing with her family in the evenings that she's not? Sitting & watching tv with her parents? Hardly more productive than hanging out in her room (perhaps even less so)! Sitting & reading on the coach? Not much different than reading in her room in that she's not actualky interacting with the rest of the family.Playing with her little brother? Unless they are being paid to babysit, what 15-year-old wants to spend the evening playing with a 10-year-old?
[/b]
Do you & your kids/spouse like board games? If you want everybody to spenf more time together, maybe you could chose a time one night a week that works for everyone for you to play a board gane together ad a family for 30 minutes or an hour. A set night fir watching a movie together as a family could be fun, too, though, deoending on your FD's homework load, bith your kids' extracurriculars & you & your spouse's work hours, it might be hard to find the time to watch an entire movie on a school night. If that's the case, maybe Sunday nights would work.Beyond trying to institute a movie &/or game night,as long as your DD is getting her homework & chores done & sitting with the family to eat dinner (& actually talking to everybody during dinner) & you & your spouse are monitoring her phone & computer use & checking on on her in her room every so often to make sure she isn't doing something nefarious in there, I would let it go. I know you & the rest of the family miss spending more time with her but your DD's behavior sounds developmentally appropriate. Hard as it may be in us as parents,  less time with one's parents & siblings often goes hand in hand with the adolescent individuation process. It's just the next step in our kids growing up![/quote]

I'll consider myself very lucky that my 16 year old ds spends a lot of time downstairs, talking with me and playing with his 13 and 11 year old siblings and the dog. He'd rather not hole up in his room alone, probably because he's very social and extroverted. [/quote]

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