Reply to Do I give him another chance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. I appreciate this perspective. To answer a PP's question, I'm 41. Before I had kids, 48 hrs wasn't last minute to me either. It's different now, if for no other reason than I can't keep good sitters and cancel on them. I haven't dated much (my child is 4 so it isn't a top priority right now) but I've been blown away at guys being unable to follow through, and these are for first dates that are arranged, not second dates where there's maybe been a change of heart. My "I'll reach out if my schedule opens up" was sincere, I really can't see this as "awful". But yeah, flakiness (which I can't do) aside, the red flag for me was his last reply. A guy who gets defensive when we barely know each other (and he's the one who cancelled!) is probably not for me.

Thanks DCUM![/quote]

I'm curious did he know ahead of time that you had to hire a babysitter?  Also, in general since you don't know the flakiness level of the guys and you want to make sure you don't keep canceling  on the babysitters, can you have alternate plans and maybe reduce the amount of time like go out and finish holiday shopping?  Or have a babysitting swap with a neighbor so it may be less problematic if the date cancels?

I just think that you were highly annoyed because canceling on the babysitting isn't without cost to you I.e. maybe not getting them when you need them or letting someone down that may have turned down another job to commit to you.  The only cancellation timeframe that is going to work is maybe 5 days in advance or not at all!  If that had not been a factor as you said, 48 hours would have been enough time and you would have at least given him one more chance.  I did think your "if my schedule opens up" was a bit rude.  Because if the only free time you had to see him is one day in December and not another opening for six months, you sure as heck can't be looking for a relationship that requires face to face time. My guess is that you just had to get past the holidays and when your sitter would have availability so likely in the next 2-3 weeks.

So anyway, I get it and I hate flakiness.  But you don't want to go so far that you can't be flexible and give someone at least one chance to change things.  I honestly think unless there is some more flexibility in your situation it will pretty much be one strike and you are out.  And even then I worry about you burning thru babysitter's good will while you find to find a guy that follows thru with plans.  That's why I was suggesting contingency plans with babysitting so you can roll more easily with a change of plans.  [/quote]

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