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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[b]First of all, daycare is an expense counted against BOTH parents' salaries.  Not hers, not his, BOTH.  So it's not "her" salary paying daycare costs; it is the household income paying those costs.

Second:  Working is about more than today's take-home pay.  It is about retirement benefits, healthcare, an investment in one's career (which pays off in higher earnings as time goes by).  The list goes on.  And daycare is a short-term proposition, relative to one's career.  Yes, it is expensive and eats into income - we were in the red for several years when we had both a nanny and part-time preschool - but that is only for a few years.  In the longer run, that becomes negligible vis-a-vis the income that a parent who continues to work earns compared to what s/he would have earned had s/he left the workforce[/b].[/quote]

This is such a hugely important point, and one that I think people gloss over frequently.  Continuing to work is never a wash, unless the job is one with no promotion potential, no benefits, and offers no opportunity to learn portable skills that can lead to a more lucrative (or satisfying) career.  The day care and preschool years don't last long at all, and the infant years are the most expensive.  If the OPs wife's salary was sufficient to cover two infants plus health care costs and retirement benefits, she was doing very well indeed.

Like others, I've really enjoyed this thread.  OP--I'm glad you took the time to post and respond.  I admire you for your self-awareness and the work you are putting into trying to find a way to make sure your marriage and your family are strong and healthy.  Best of luck to you.
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