Reply to If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health.  They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing.  they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power.  they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others.  Likely few do but maybe some.  It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.  [/quote]

I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family. [/quote]
That sounds awful, PP, I’m sorry.

I think it would help if we were all mindful of how we all compartmentalize all the time. You drive like a jerk but you still think you’re a good person. You are harsh with your child when they trigger you, but you are still a good parent. You leave nasty comments on posts here but you are a good person. Or maybe you have stolen something or snooped in someone’s personal property or gossiped or gotten in a physical fight before. People are not good or bad. We are complex AF.[/quote]

Yes, that’s true, but the magnitude of compartmentalization matters. When I told exh’s AP that she was hurting me and our children, and to leave my family alone so that my exh can figure things out, she ignored my pleas. She was completely desensitized because she was a victim of abuse and felt entitled to my H. My H was allegedly the only man in her life that didn’t cheat on her or abuse her. He was her savior, I guess, someone to help her with her insecurity, trauma, etc. So her compartmentalization was sky high because all she could focus on was her healing and happiness and she didn’t give a F about the chaos, sadness and misery she caused in my home. [/quote]
Did they end up together? I hope you’re in a much better place now.[/quote]

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