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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.

Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.[/quote]

Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.[/quote]

DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.

I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating. [/quote]

+100.[/quote]

Former BigLaw junior associate here who has happily dissociated from the field and married someone in an unrelated one. Here’s the thing, for some of us it wasn’t just hard, it was impossible because of the nonstop sexual harassment. Imagine succeeding with male partners and senior associates making constant sexual innuendos and outright passes. Imagine being penalized for rejecting said behaviors and imagine having some of the women partners and senior associates penalizing you, too, for being young and pretty.

Having gone through all of that, I appreciate why some of these women left the field, but relish in their husbands’ careers. They feel like that’s the closest they could get. And it is, but not for reasons of merit. [/quote]

You have this so backwards.

When a woman who is married to a BigLaw partner talks to me, her husbands peer, as though she and I are professionally the same, she is contributing to the culture of devaluing women in this industry. I worked very hard to get to where I am and dealt with all the same BS that these women like you who left as juniors did, and then some. But I stuck it out and now I am in a position that you only get to if you work very hard for a long time.

When the wives of some of my colleagues, who may have spent 2-3 years as a junior associate at our firm or another firm, speak to me as though we are professional peers or they have intimate knowledge of my firm or my career, they are just contributing to the culture you are complaining about. Because I EARNED my position. I wish for them happiness in whatever life they have chosen for themselves, but being married to a BigLaw partner does not entitle you to act like you are one. My husband would never, for instance. This is all about their insecurity and trying to use their DH's position and status to assert themselves. It's retrograde and toxic.[/quote]

+1000. And I'm not even a biglaw partner - may never be IDK but I haven't EARNED it. So to go around acting like I have just because I've done the associate for 3 years or have a spouse in partnership (I don't personally) is ridiculous and makes you look like an idiot.

It's one thing to revel in your spouse's successes but do that at home - tell him night and day that HE would never have made partner if you weren't home taking out the trash or whatever. But at a professional event, it is HIS and HIS colleagues that are partners, not you - sorry.[/quote]

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