Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:28
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
I don't talk about biglaw DH's career or treat colleagues as my own, but from experience, biglaw people tend to talk incessantly and obsessively about biglaw to their partners. That is why I absolutely know everything about every partner, associate, and secretary, and because of my ability to read people, have a better sense of office politics than DH. When I have to attend his firm parties and events, yes, I socialize with his colleagues. Didn't ask for any of this, but it is what it is.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:23
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
+100.
Former BigLaw junior associate here who has happily dissociated from the field and married someone in an unrelated one. Here’s the thing, for some of us it wasn’t just hard, it was impossible because of the nonstop sexual harassment. Imagine succeeding with male partners and senior associates making constant sexual innuendos and outright passes. Imagine being penalized for rejecting said behaviors and imagine having some of the women partners and senior associates penalizing you, too, for being young and pretty.
Having gone through all of that, I appreciate why some of these women left the field, but relish in their husbands’ careers. They feel like that’s the closest they could get. And it is, but not for reasons of merit.
You have this so backwards.
When a woman who is married to a BigLaw partner talks to me, her husbands peer, as though she and I are professionally the same, she is contributing to the culture of devaluing women in this industry. I worked very hard to get to where I am and dealt with all the same BS that these women like you who left as juniors did, and then some. But I stuck it out and now I am in a position that you only get to if you work very hard for a long time.
When the wives of some of my colleagues, who may have spent 2-3 years as a junior associate at our firm or another firm, speak to me as though we are professional peers or they have intimate knowledge of my firm or my career, they are just contributing to the culture you are complaining about. Because I EARNED my position. I wish for them happiness in whatever life they have chosen for themselves, but being married to a BigLaw partner does not entitle you to act like you are one. My husband would never, for instance. This is all about their insecurity and trying to use their DH's position and status to assert themselves. It's retrograde and toxic.
How did you EARN your position? I ask this because I got taken off any matters when I didn’t return sexual favors. What did you do? How did you manage to stay assigned on a matter after rejecting a partner? Teach me, seriously, I’d love to know.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:23
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Religious people. I can think of 2 particular religions - one in my family but won't say for fear of offending anyone.
But seriously what you do or don't do in terms of practice, praying, and observing holidays is between you and the higher power. You don't need to know what I do and then sit and criticize because you don't think it's enough or you don't think I'm doing it right and your way of practice and observance is more correct - because frankly you aren't the authority here.
But seriously what you do or don't do in terms of practice, praying, and observing holidays is between you and the higher power. You don't need to know what I do and then sit and criticize because you don't think it's enough or you don't think I'm doing it right and your way of practice and observance is more correct - because frankly you aren't the authority here.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:20
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
+100.
Former BigLaw junior associate here who has happily dissociated from the field and married someone in an unrelated one. Here’s the thing, for some of us it wasn’t just hard, it was impossible because of the nonstop sexual harassment. Imagine succeeding with male partners and senior associates making constant sexual innuendos and outright passes. Imagine being penalized for rejecting said behaviors and imagine having some of the women partners and senior associates penalizing you, too, for being young and pretty.
Having gone through all of that, I appreciate why some of these women left the field, but relish in their husbands’ careers. They feel like that’s the closest they could get. And it is, but not for reasons of merit.
You have this so backwards.
When a woman who is married to a BigLaw partner talks to me, her husbands peer, as though she and I are professionally the same, she is contributing to the culture of devaluing women in this industry. I worked very hard to get to where I am and dealt with all the same BS that these women like you who left as juniors did, and then some. But I stuck it out and now I am in a position that you only get to if you work very hard for a long time.
When the wives of some of my colleagues, who may have spent 2-3 years as a junior associate at our firm or another firm, speak to me as though we are professional peers or they have intimate knowledge of my firm or my career, they are just contributing to the culture you are complaining about. Because I EARNED my position. I wish for them happiness in whatever life they have chosen for themselves, but being married to a BigLaw partner does not entitle you to act like you are one. My husband would never, for instance. This is all about their insecurity and trying to use their DH's position and status to assert themselves. It's retrograde and toxic.
+1000. And I'm not even a biglaw partner - may never be IDK but I haven't EARNED it. So to go around acting like I have just because I've done the associate for 3 years or have a spouse in partnership (I don't personally) is ridiculous and makes you look like an idiot.
It's one thing to revel in your spouse's successes but do that at home - tell him night and day that HE would never have made partner if you weren't home taking out the trash or whatever. But at a professional event, it is HIS and HIS colleagues that are partners, not you - sorry.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:20
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:-People who pride themselves on being “quirky”
-Adults who talk about their high school activities
I used to work with someone who would criticize interview candidates who used examples from too long ago but he would always bring up this one example from his high school years as the proof of his experience with diversity. He was in his 40s.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 13:08
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
+100.
Former BigLaw junior associate here who has happily dissociated from the field and married someone in an unrelated one. Here’s the thing, for some of us it wasn’t just hard, it was impossible because of the nonstop sexual harassment. Imagine succeeding with male partners and senior associates making constant sexual innuendos and outright passes. Imagine being penalized for rejecting said behaviors and imagine having some of the women partners and senior associates penalizing you, too, for being young and pretty.
Having gone through all of that, I appreciate why some of these women left the field, but relish in their husbands’ careers. They feel like that’s the closest they could get. And it is, but not for reasons of merit.
You have this so backwards.
When a woman who is married to a BigLaw partner talks to me, her husbands peer, as though she and I are professionally the same, she is contributing to the culture of devaluing women in this industry. I worked very hard to get to where I am and dealt with all the same BS that these women like you who left as juniors did, and then some. But I stuck it out and now I am in a position that you only get to if you work very hard for a long time.
When the wives of some of my colleagues, who may have spent 2-3 years as a junior associate at our firm or another firm, speak to me as though we are professional peers or they have intimate knowledge of my firm or my career, they are just contributing to the culture you are complaining about. Because I EARNED my position. I wish for them happiness in whatever life they have chosen for themselves, but being married to a BigLaw partner does not entitle you to act like you are one. My husband would never, for instance. This is all about their insecurity and trying to use their DH's position and status to assert themselves. It's retrograde and toxic.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:59
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
+100.
Former BigLaw junior associate here who has happily dissociated from the field and married someone in an unrelated one. Here’s the thing, for some of us it wasn’t just hard, it was impossible because of the nonstop sexual harassment. Imagine succeeding with male partners and senior associates making constant sexual innuendos and outright passes. Imagine being penalized for rejecting said behaviors and imagine having some of the women partners and senior associates penalizing you, too, for being young and pretty.
Having gone through all of that, I appreciate why some of these women left the field, but relish in their husbands’ careers. They feel like that’s the closest they could get. And it is, but not for reasons of merit.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:52
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Keto.
Their kids sports, especially travel. Why are the parents so mean to each other?
Individuals who flaunt a profound connection to their cultural heritage, despite being born and raised here, don't speak the language at all, and have never been there.
Posting every damn thing on facebook in long "look at me" posts. Especially when you are together as extended family and they edit your existence out like it's just them and their kids.
Mommy juice.
Moms who identify their child as their BFF.
Their kids sports, especially travel. Why are the parents so mean to each other?
Individuals who flaunt a profound connection to their cultural heritage, despite being born and raised here, don't speak the language at all, and have never been there.
Posting every damn thing on facebook in long "look at me" posts. Especially when you are together as extended family and they edit your existence out like it's just them and their kids.
Mommy juice.
Moms who identify their child as their BFF.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:45
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Twin moms that have martyrdom around being a twin mom. I know a lot of twin moms and no doubt there are challenges but it’s not like you are the only kind of parent ever that has parenting challenges and the rest of us it’s just a walk in the park.
It only matters if (a) you are actively trying to tell me my life is / was *so* easy bc I don’t have twins or (b) you are imposing on me because, #twinmom. Eg insisting the kids only get identical gifts for Christmas, birthdays, etc.
It only matters if (a) you are actively trying to tell me my life is / was *so* easy bc I don’t have twins or (b) you are imposing on me because, #twinmom. Eg insisting the kids only get identical gifts for Christmas, birthdays, etc.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:39
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
- People whose great grandparents immigrated to the US, but they feel like they are “Irish” or “Italian”.
- dads of high school football players
- dads of high school football players
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:24
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Making your high school or college part of your identity. Even worse are the parents of the students who make their child’s educational choices part of their identity.
Omg this a million times. The parents who have more school spirit for their kid’s college than I ever had while I was actually in school. And people who graduated 10 years ago but still wear their school sweatshirts, hats, license plate frame, key chain, baby onesies, etc. for their Ivy all while pretending they’re not hung up on status.
I have neighbors in their 40s who recently redid their basement in a full on Penn State theme. You went there for 4 years 25 years ago. You don’t need 1000 square feet of your house dedicated to it.
Penn State is an entire personality type though.
I know more than a few people who went there who are aged 45+ who are obsessed with it in a way that is just weird. Football, basketball, wrestling, keeping up with campus happenings as if they are still living on campus. Some of it is about brainwashing their own kids starting at birth including by going up there 10 times/semester for sporting events (when they know no one playing on those teams and it's a 3+ hr drive one way) so that when it comes time for their HS junior to pick colleges, Penn State is the one and only school on the list. And viola mom and dad get to re-live their glory days thru their kids for 4 more years - I'm sure the kids love mom and dad showing up at every drunken tailgate.
Omg this is so accurate. And I didn’t even go there, but I’ve heard all about “Thon” than was ever necessary. I mean I’m sure it raises a lot of money for a good cause, but dear lord, no one else goes around bragging years later about doing some fundraising.
Right?? And I don't think they realize, most schools have some kind of fundraising/charitable works clubs and yes they are huge at other schools too. So yeah it's just an obsessions with THEIR school being the best. I truly get it when it's 18-25 year olds feeling that way, or even 28 year olds nostalgic for a few years ago. What's weird about Penn State is that it's 45 and 50+ year olds that are this obsessed with their school.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:21
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.
+100.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:19
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:#boymom
Religious people who have to post about their religion all the time
SAHMs with kids in school full time who go on and on about how busy they are. With home decorating choices, going to the gym, driving their kids to activities...stop going on and on about it, especially to your friends who work full time.
Jealous?
Does that make it any less annoying if she is?
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:13
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Military wives.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 12:11
Subject: Annoying things people make their whole personality
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Women who think being a doctor's wife makes THEM a doctor/expert on healthcare/how hospitals operate.
Similarly women who gave up biglaw as an associate bc they couldn't handle it and their biglaw boyfriend proposed and then when biglaw husband makes partner, THEY feel they made partner; uh sweetie congrats to your man, but YOU are not a partner at this firm, so we don't need YOUR opinion on how things should be done.
Wow that one sounds personal, Susan.
DP and actually I have encountered this as well, specifically the former biglaw associate who talks about her DH's career as if it's her own. It is especially annoying when you are at the same firm as the husband and the wife talks to you like a colleague when she doesn't actually know what you do and you've never worked together, and she actually has not worked as a lawyer (or potentially at all) in many years.
I think women like this feel guilty or insecure about the fact that from the outside, it really seems like they went to law school and then worked for a couple years at a big firm to find a highly paid spouse, and then quit as soon as she'd locked him down. I don't actually care even if this was their plan all along (law school, the bar, and working at a biglaw firm are not easy, so if you want to use them to nab the husband you want, more power to you) but their need to act like they themselves are firm partners or that they are intimately familiar with your work when they couldn't possibly be is really grating.