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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The people insisting OP say where "home" is and then attacking it are just gaslighting.

It wouldn't matter if "home" was Baltimore or Hawaii -- if OP wishes she lived there, that's a valid feeling she's entitled to.

And OP, I get it -- this is an aspect of marriage that can be so hard. When one partner wants one life choice and the other wants another. And you can't always anticipate these differences in advance because often they are in response to having kids, changes in career, changes in your extended family, and aging.

If you'd told me 15 years ago when I met my DH that one day he'd be very attached to living in a city center and I'd be the one longing for a big garden in a less populated area with more quiet, I wouldn't have believed you. When we met, I was the citified careerist and he was the country boy unsure about city life. Now I literally dream about being in the woods with no one around and struggle with the feeling of concrete and buildings and people all around. But he's acclimated and thinks he'd be lonely if we move. It's really hard! No one is right or wrong, but it's tough that when you come to an impasse like this, the person who likes the status quo "wins" more easily because inaction gets them what they want.

That's what this is really about. You are the partner advocating for a change, he wants things to stay as they are. Since you can't agree, you stay where you are and he's happy but you aren't. This is such a classic couple problem. I wish you luck in figuring it out. Let me know how if you do![/quote]

It sounds like the problem is some people can't be happy no matter what.  You live in the city because that's what you wanted, you were unhappy.  Now you're unhappy again and move out of the city.  You don't take any responsibility at all for why you are where you are in life.

Stop doing things because you are looking for happiness from external things.

[/quote]

PP here. My feelings about the city changed when we had kids. I liked being in the city when my life revolved around work and socializing. Now my life revolved around my kids. Plus I'm 100% remote and at a stage in my career that is not about networking.

I also find parenting culture in the DMV unpleasant. It's an aspect of this area I didn't understand before having kids because I moved here as an adult.

Many of my closest friends in this area moved away after having kids, specifically fur the reasons I want to move. Of those still here, about half are like me and want to move.

It made sense to move here when I was 22, fir grad school and job opportunities. It makes less sense now, but my DH is resistant to change. No one is "looking for happiness from external things." It's just normal for people's priorities to change over time. A 25 year old, single, childless person with parents in their 50s wants different things than a 42 year old, married person with two kids and parents in their late 70s.[/quote]

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