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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I too hate where I live. 
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.[/quote]

Take responsibility for your life and your decisions.

You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family.   Sounds like a pretty good idea.

What actual planning have you done?  Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses?  Would the numbers work?  How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale?  If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school?

You say you and your spouse could work anywhere.  Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live?  What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make?  Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work?

If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him?    It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine.  That doesn't work.

If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues.  You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying.

If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first.[/quote]

DP.  I’m in the same position as the pp. My husband and I also work in healthcare.  
All of the stuff you are describing literally takes an afternoon.  I have to give 90 days notice on my job, and I could have a new job lined up to start 90 days from now tomorrow.  I could find one for DH too, and I have found many.  I’ve called physician recruiters at specific hospitals where I know there is a job opening, and he hasn’t made time to talk to them.

He gives no reason.  He says that he will do it, but doesn’t.  Eventually, I make up an excuse so that I don’t look crazy and lose my ability to ever work there.

Looking for houses is easy and fun.  I do this all of the time in my spare time.

We don’t *have* to go near my parents either. We have a child with autism and a normal IQ.  We could live near a great school for him.  There is literally NO REASON to live here other than DH being afraid of change.

[/quote]

Ok. So actually apply for a new job where you want to live, and when you get the offer, give your 90 days notice to your existing job.

Then pick out a house you like in the new area and out down an earnest money deposit on it.    Schedule the closing for 30 days prior to the start of your new job.

Not sure if you currently rent or own but you will have to either negotiate your way out of your existing lease or put your existing house up for sale which you should do right away.

Tell your husband the family is moving and give him all the details.  Tell him you will help him find a new job.  Then do it.

Since he has told you he does want to move he will appreciate that you are doing the heavy lifting which you say is very easy for you.  Win win.

Or don't.  But stop complaining a d stop blaming your husband.[/quote]

I know that you think that you are calling my bluff, but I have gone far enough down this path that interviews have been scheduled and airline tickets have been booked.  Private schools have been applied to on behalf of my son.  I mean, this isn’t hard to do.  
DH just doesn’t acknowledge that it’s happening, doesn’t send his CV, and as the time gets nearer, tells me that he has a conflict and cancels without actually rescheduling.  This makes me look crazy to future potential employers.

As far as buying my own house, I can do that, but DH has threatened to divorce me and sue me for full custody if I take the kids without him.  I consulted with a family law attorney who told me that he could potentially do this, and it isn’t advisable.

Couples therapy is online, and he will engage, but if I bring up moving, he will shut the laptop closed or leave the room to “get a snack” or something.

I don’t want to divorce because then I have no chance of moving.

[/quote]

Who said anything about taking the kids?  Of course you can't take the kids and move out of state against your husband's will.

But you previously seemingly implied he wasn't against the idea moving, just too lazy or too busy or too overwhelmed or too intimidated with everything that might need to be done to make it happen.

So the actual problem here is he does not want to move.  He disagrees with you.  But that doesn't stop you from moving out of state if it's so important to you, if his preferences don't matter, if breaking up the family doesn't matter.  Which it doesn't, as long as you get to take the kids with you.

So none of this is about geography at all.  It's about that you don't love your husband.  You are unhappy where you are because you are married to a person you don't want to be married to.  And you would be perfectly happy to divorce him and move away assuming you could take the kids with you.  That would be just fine.

What you need to do is file for divorce.  You realize of course that you can't take school age children out of state, you can't take them with you, without an actual reason, and you don't have the kind of reason that would hold up in court.  And I think you are well aware of that which is why you are venting here.

I am not sure the problem is with your husband though.  A good mom would never think it a good idea to break up her family and take her kids away from their father like you apparently want to.[/quote]

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