Reply to Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

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Reply to "Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas![/quote]

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one. [/quote]

[b]Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. [/b] Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does.  I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away.  IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law.  A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner.  That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.[/quote]

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, [b]while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing[/b]?  [/quote]

Exactly. Once the child is in school what's the purpose of a woman staying home all day? To cook and clean? I don't get it, it just sounds like pure laziness to me. It's all good until the husband leaves or wants a divorce and then they complain about not having a career. Smh.[/quote]

I've written this before and been shouted at here. I've been a single dad for nearly a decade. Daily cooking and cleaning with teenagers around is at most 90 minutes a day, probably less. Might have to catch up a bit on the weekend with some laundry or vacuuming. No maid or cook in my home, or grocery delivery or lawn service. [/quote]

There is no way. What do you kids do? Just eat the same food and clothes? Do they do sports or other activities with uniforms? Do you order food already packaged? Laundry alone takes me about 60 minutes a day. Maybe it's not just me, but it takes 60 minutes of actual work. Gathering the clothes, running the wash, running the dryer, folding, and putting away. 60 minutes easily 1 load. Meals another 45 minutes between food prep serving, and cleaning up. Plus time to eat and shop.[/quote]

Different PP single dad. No way in hell does laundry take 60 minutes a day. Are you standing there watching the clothes tumble in the dryer like Rain Man or something? Each bedroom has a laundry basket, you take it to the washing machine and put them in, that's a couple of minutes tops. Less than a minute to put them in the dryer. Then five minutes to put them away (if it's a teenager they should do this not you). I don't even run a laundry load every day, two kids and I don't generate that many dirty clothes. And yes both my kids do sports.

I cook meals for everyone and that might take 15 minutes per meal.

Do vacuuming and dusting and yard work on the weekends.

This is not an "8 hour a day full-time job".[/quote]

If you spend 15 minutes on a meal, you’re not a great cook. Sure, you can feed people, but it’s not going to be unimpressive. 
If you’re a sahm, kids are there ALL day- which means, you don’t just vacuum and clean on weekends (or you’re a slob). 
It’s never 5 minutes to fold and put away for a family of 4. I’ve timed it many times. More like 45 minutes just for 4. Teens can do it themselves, but most women are not sahm of just 2 teens- and if they are, they’ve put in years of pregnancy and childcare while you were bolstering your career.

But most sahm I know don’t spend most of their time on household chores. They are reading to kids, tutoring, chauffeuring to multiple activities, teaching children to cook/clean/garden, enforcing rules, TALKING (emotionally supporting) the children, taking them to playgrounds and play dates, doing all errands -grocery store 1 and 2, dry cleaners, car maintenance, dentist apps, doctor apps, etc.

My impression of men who aren’t impressed with their sahm? THEY are disconnected and lazy fathers.
[/quote]

Yes, they are. After my divorce I went to office. My exH refused to drive children around for activities: chess was dropped, online math classes dropped, swim team dropped; summer hikes and family fishing trips dropped. Kids are whole day on screens when on their 50% at dad's house.

When my teens are at my place, I try to take them to gym in the evenings on free passes, biking, we cook together and they know NY Times recipes, they garden, paint fence, change locks and even cemented the brick chimney on the roof under my supervision.

I bet these "single dads" are just the same: their kids are left for the day with screens, end of parenting. [/quote]

Lazy Father here. I do ALL the scheduling of kid doctor/dentist appointments, I take them to the appointments, I schedule all extracurriculars, pay for them, and take kids to them, I pay for summer camps and take kids to them, I cook for my kids and do their laundry, I help with homework and arrange tutors as necessary, in the evening I take them to the gym, and many other things besides. I fully expect that the entire college search and application process will be on me. The sole parenting activity my XW does is pick them up from school three days a week when school is in session. She refused to take kids to any extracurriculars, as her view was that since I had arranged the activity it was 100% my job to take the kids to it. If not for me, music lessons would certainly have been dropped. Kids are on their screens at mom's house, no active parenting. And oh by the way, I also work full time.

Crappy uninvolved parents come in both genders.[/quote]

But looking around the entire US do you not see that there are a ton of dads who don't do this? Other than sports, I don't think a lot of other dads are talking about these topics or doing this work regularly especially at the lower socioeconomic levels.[/quote]

Another "lazy" dad here.  I did/do all of the above as well.  Just b/c you had a sh*tty husband that didn't carry his weight, doesn't mean you can apply that experience to the "entire" US.  There are just as many lazy mom's out there.  Get a grip[/quote]

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