Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

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Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm wondering if the PP gives herself permission to victimize people in other ways (stealing, bullying, etc.) if they don't meet her standards? If we make our own morality conditional on the morality of others, are we really any better than they are?

I've lurked on OW forums and there is often an obsession with the BW and her supposed sins and vices. Clearly the rationale is "she deserves this because she wasn't a good wife/human." I'm sure it's just a coincidence that the OW who has appointed herself judge and jury is enjoying the fruits of the BW's "karma," right?

Don't twist yourself into a pretzel to justify doing something harmful. If you have the hots for some married guy, tell him to divorce or open up his marriage. Likewise, if you're a cheater, you don't get to sentence your spouse to non-consensual non-monogamy just because you don't have a 100% perfect marriage. Someone else's faults or sins do not justify your own.[/quote]

The very scary part is the wife knows none of this.  These crazy @ss OW are staking them, trying to glean any bit of info they can about them, wishing them ill will, etc., and they have zero idea this target is on their back.  It’s freaky and incredibly victimizing to find out.  Some psych has been stalking you and your kids.[/quote]

Yes, it's a total mind f*ck to realize that some third party has been super invested in your marriage. To be clear, that is 100% the fault of your spouse . . . they're the ones who turned your marriage into a love triangle. But it's natural to wonder about the mental state of someone who would go all Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

I was just reading in the Other Woman subreddit and a bunch of OW were going on and on about how after DDay when the MM has gone NC, why don't the wives feel like second place and end the marriage? [b]Again, this ridiculous internalized misogyny.[/b] Oh, this autonomous person who went so far as to have sex with me and who could have left his marriage for me at any time is just a poor prisoner to the all-powerful wife! Sure, she isn't so all-powerful that she was able to stop an affair from happening, but she's definitely forcing her husband to stay.

It's like, girl, keep your eyes on your own paper. You don't get to insert yourself into someone else's marriage without her knowledge and then have all sorts of opinions on how she reacts to that. You know what sucks? Having someone who's not you or your "boyfriend" calling the shots in your relationship. You know how to avoid that? Don't be a side-piece. [/quote]

Ummm. If he never leaves the marriage or has any intention to, I don’t think the side piece is in first place.[/quote]

This is a powerful tidbit. The more employed, educated and empowered (like controlling their reproductive rights) and financially solvent women are, the less fighting we’ll see for “limited resources”.  We could all use a great deal more feminism and sisterhood.[/quote]

So many times in these threads (which are a dime a dozen), it's always to same old story. "It came out of nowhere, our marriage was great! ...I decided to SAH when the baby came along, and now my DH has just cheated, I feel betrayed, repulsed and disgusted, but I can't leave! How would I support myself and my children? Help me to work through this and forgive"  One has to wonder if the betrayed spouses would feel the same need to "forgive infidelity" and stay in the marriage if they controlled the income and assets and the cheating spouse was a SAHD.  [/quote]

Umm. No.  Half the cheaters on here are bored SAHMs that can’t afford to leave the marriage so are online dating looking for exit affairs.  They are complaining about their husbands not boning them.

[/quote]

WHERE are you getting that statistic from? I don't actually see "bored housewives" in many people's information here. This is not my experience of the cheaters on DCUM.
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There are tons of threads of SAHMs asking where to find an AP and thinking of getting an AP because love life at hone is stagnant.  In fact, that’s just about every cheating married woman thread on here.[/quote]

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