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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][/quote]

It's very simple, really. Leadership is a[b] service [/b] and a [b]responsibility[/b]. It does not imply one person is better than the other. Does being a parent imply the parent is better than the child? And no, I am in no way implying that a husband is the parent of a wife, which would be a very large power imbalance.

Functioning systems all have some measure of hierarchy. Grow up, really. Or go live in a commune where everyone has exactly the same role and responsibilities and see how that works out for you. [/quote]

DP.  Leadership implies that one person is the leader and one is the follower.  It's an odd dynamic to have in a marriage. Now, it's true that in most marriages, one person is the "leader" in certain areas of daily life, but not in ALL things.  One person might take the lead on finances, the other might take the lead on education for the kids, etc.  But it sounds like your DH is the leader in every respect when it comes to your marriage and family. That means you are the follower.  It's a very old-fashioned way to approach marriage. Why can't you ALSO be a leader in some respects?  It's not mutually exclusive.  I also wonder what kind of example you are setting for your children.  How can you ever expect them, especially any daughters you may have, to become leaders when you are deferring that role to your DH? [/quote]

I think you are imagining that I meant something a lot more old fashioned than I in fact meant. I don't think a man having HOH status (along with his wife and kids taking his last name) suggests that he gets to make all the decisions all the time. But it does indicate ultimate responsibility for the family. For example, my husband's job is the "big" job. It determined where we would live, and he spends a lot more time on it than I spend on my job. This "privilege" comes with responsibility. He manages his career in large part according to the needs of the family. He wouldn't travel around unnecessarily to our detriment. He wouldn't take a new role somewhere that wouldn't be good for us. He wouldn't ratchet down on a whim because we have financial goals as a family. This is a lot of pressure and responsibility, and I, for one, am damn grateful that I don't have it on my shoulders.

Now, if I had a very ambitious and talented daughter who herself wanted (and showed talent for) a "big" job, I would encourage it. But this is rare, even though it might not seem so to you if you live within a tiny subpopulation of self-selected over achievers. [/quote]

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