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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't get through all 6 pages yet, but I am really intrigued by this thread! I think it is rooted in something really solid - self-sufficiency.

For better or worse, at the end of the day we only truly do have ourselves. Many of us have to learn that lesson before partnering up when we try to get over less than perfect childhoods (I know I did).

This general stance towards marriage is also discussed in the book Passionate Marriage, if anyone is interested. Excellent book about how intimacy combined with self-sufficiency makes for optimal married sex. [/quote]

I think this is right. I've always been very self-sufficient. What people are describing in this thread....well, all of my romantic relationships have had shades of this. My marriage has always been this way. It was problematic in the early years of marriage, because my DH likes to be relied upon and wanted to be the white knight, so to speak. But through counseling, we came to a better understanding of each other. I leaned on him a little more and he came to see my self-sufficiency as evidence of how much I *wanted* to be with him--better, really, than needing someone. I could easily get along without DH. I choose to stay.

(Interestingly, when our kids were young, I felt like I needed DH very much, like I had finally met something I couldn't tackle on my own. And this was the time in our marriage when we fought the most, when I was most unhappy. I felt trapped. Then the kids got older, I got a handle on things, and we went back to our regular, pleasant relationship.)

I think DH and I have a reasonably happy, successful marriage. We enjoy each other's company, we do things together, we love our kids. But we both mostly do what we want. We have a decent sex life, although that's gotten to be more difficult now that I am approaching menopause. I'm just not as interested as I used to be. Sex might be the one thing that I regularly engage in just to make him happy. (Once we get started, I enjoy myself, so it's really not that big a sacrifice.) We've been married 25 years.

I actually had a happy, stable childhood, and I'm very close to my parents. I have plenty of good friends. I adore my kids. So it sounds kind of cold I guess, but I am actually a very warm, affectionate person. I'm not needy in my relationships with anyone though.[/quote]

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