Reply to Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]South Asians take note. Don't invite the whites to the wedding. They will post about your invite, mock your customs and yet they will still be the ones offended. 
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I think the way to deal with this and not cause the sort of fracas you see on this subject is really simple:

- one option is not to invite whites or others who would not be able to relate to South Asian customs regarding gift giving
- if you are still going to invite them then don't include anything about gifts or boxed gifts or cash
- have a wedding registry just for those who are not comfortable with the South Asian way of doing these things
- for someone who does get such an invite and is uncomfortable with the type of gift, then either do not go or accept the invitation but don't give any gift

[b]It is difficult for even well-intentioned people not familiar with South Asian ways of doing these things to adjust to demands/requests for cash gifts.[/b]

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I am a South Asian and I can assure you that there is no South Asian way of dealing with the issue of wedding gifts. South Asians who have lived in the US all their lives approach this as any American would. They would not specify the type of gift they want on an invitation and a wedding registry is the usual format used. Frankly, many would view it as crass and vulgar to ask for cash.

[b]What you are seeing here is really South Asians importing to the US the way they do things in India. It does not make it right or wrong though it does create the potential for misunderstanding among those not familiar with South Asian traditions as practised in some parts of India.

An example of this is the PP who came to the US at the age of 18 years who has been defending gift giving in the form of cash. It is what she is familiar with but would be viewed as an anomaly by most South Asians raised here. I don't say this as a value judgement because for her - given the environment in which she was raised - it is what she views as the norm.[/b]

South Asians who have lived here all their lives sometimes end up in conflicts with their parents about wedding arrangments. They are less prone to go with the elaborate weddings with 500+ guests that their parents may want. For the parents who they invite is a matter of social obligations, a desire to impress their social group, wanting the best for their children which somehow translates into a large wedding, etc.

My cousin, when he got married, put his foot down and said that he and his fiance wanted a small wedding - there were less than 60 guests with just immediate family and close friends of the couple. It was a beautiful wedding in a wonderful setting and they specifically said they did not want any gifts but to instead donate the money that would have been spent on gifts to a couple of named charities. BTW, the size of the wedding had nothing to do with what they could afford. It was just a personal preference. The parents held a reception several weeks after the event mainly because they felt socially obligated to do so and at the request of the couple they asked that any gifts be donated to the same charities.

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What on earth?  I've never seen a wedding invitation in India say "no boxed gifts."  I also don't see anything wrong with a gift giver giving cash if that's what the giver wants to do.  The only problem here is the recipient is telling everyone that certain gifts will not be accepted.  I don't know anyone in India who would actually say that to a wedding invitee, and I don't believe it's because cash is already the customary gift.  It's because in India, just like everywhere else in the world, telling the gift giver that certain gifts will not be accepted is insulting and offensive.  Period.[/quote]

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