Reply to Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. AA parent here and I am fine with my son dating a non-AA. However, I do not want rejects from other races. Most of the white women I know who exclusively pursue AA men do so because they are not waif thin and AA culture has different norms as far as what is physically attractive. Please make note of the use of the word, "exclusively." I call it the Kim K theory - Kim K was too curvy for white men in her social bracket  and too lazy to lose the weight/starve herself so she went for men who found her most attractive. As long as my son gets the best, brightest, blondest, skinniest educated Becky from a family who matches our SES, I am good. That goes for any other race as well.

No, SES of the family is not as important to me with an AA woman as long as she is smart and headed in the right direction academically and eventually professionally. Think Claire Huxtable. Dr. Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) was from a long line of affluent, educated AAs and it always seemed that Claire was from a normal middle class upbringing. Fine, because she went to Hillman (think Howard, Hampton, Morehouse or Spelman) and then law school, after which she became a successful practicing attorney. AA culture is a little bit different from mainstream in that we do not entirely correlate SES of the family with class. There are other ways we measure that which allows for a bit more movement through the ranks, if you will. Race is very central to the identity of AAs and to our experiences as US citizens. If you are a minority you probably understand. So having to bring a person into your SES versus having to bring a person into your SES and get them to understand your race are two very different things.

At the end of the day, you can take Shaqueena our whatever made up name was referenced earlier out of "the hood" and she can assimilate, educate and move up within the AA community. On the other hand, you can take Becky out of the trailor but you aren't getting the trailor out of Becky. I welcome any upper class (not just high SES - two different things guys) parent to let me know if I am wrong and you truly are letting Becky marry into your family.[/quote]

Bi-racial PP here.  I do not agree with you 100% but you do make some good points - the Kim K theory is a hoot.  But I bet you $100 that you will be criticized because people will only see your Becky comments.

Some Whites do focus more on "where are you now," "what does your father do," "what school did you attend" and "what family are you from" as ranking factors.  Some AA's of certain SES do also. But I do agree with you generally that AA's  are more willing to emphasize "potential" as a high priority ranking factor if the SES does not match up.

But I also think that one big thing people are missing is that if a person dates/marries someone of another race or culture they will have to assimilate somewhat and at least have a working knowledge and acceptance of their mate's cultural norms. Because of my racial make-up, I have been forced to float back and forth.  [u]In my experience[/u], Blacks in interracial relationships are more willing and able to assimilate than vice versa.

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