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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?[/quote]

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are. [/quote]

This is a very american middle class white attitude.  Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there.  Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion.  Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.[/quote]

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, [b]but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own[/b] even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25. [/quote]

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.[/quote]

Ok, if you are doing advanced math in your free time you are "a hard worker", ok? You might also be a prodigy but you are also working hard regardless of whether it is your idea (because you are interested in the subject or because you want to win a competition to get to a college) or your parents' idea, because they want to show off to their "friends". You are still putting in the time.

This idea that highly gifted students just sit on their asses all day long and go into top schools is completely ridiculous.[/quote]

I was not trying to suggest that highly gifted students sit on their asses. However, there is a difference between someone working at a skill because they are intrinsically motivated to learn it (usually they do this because they also have a natural aptitude at it) vs someone who grinds away only because they have to get that A because they need to get into a good school because society said so. [/quote]

I am not sure there is that much of a difference, honestly. A lot of those highly gifted students are primarily motivated by ambition rather than love of the subject. Sure, they like the subject, but they also want to be "the best". It's a big motivator. Yes, they are socially aware, but that doesn't make them any less gifted or natural.

In any case, no parent is going to make their mediocre 16 year old grind himself to greatness. [/quote]

Ha. There is a HUGE difference. [b]The naturally gifted person has TALENT.[/b]

I wouldnt necessarily consider the grinder "smart" personally. And more commonly held is the motion they are not talented eithet

When it comes to success the talented person will need to work hard to see as much of it as they should/could/would want[/quote]

you don't say. glad you put it in all caps.

what i am saying is that - most extremely gifted teens work a lot. if you are extremely gifted but lazy your accomplishment will be nowhere close to theirs. they have BOTH.[/quote]

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