Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:U mich isn't that hard to get into, frankly all.punlics not UCLA and Berkeley are only moderately difficult

Yes we’ve heard that one a few times here already.

I think it's the same troll poster again and again, somehow suggested she and her kids are the true, "effortless" geniuses.

Rolling my eyes hard at this. So many parents like this, and they don't see how much they've enriched their kids. And, they also don't see that fast or effortless doesn't equal understanding. There's a lot they don't see. A whole lot of horse hockey.

There are actually plenty of kids that coast through a public school curriculum but considering that only about half of TJ gets into UVA, it seems like it's pretty hard to get into.

Only half gets in because UVA is all about yield protection and wants diversity. Why would they accept 100% of students from a single HS! Even 50% from TJ is too much IMO. I’ve heard many stories of students getting into more highly ranked schools only to be rejected by UVA. Yield matters. ED matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like so many straight A students who were chief school newspaper editor, captain of a varsity sports team, volunteering, and more who can't even get to VA Tech. I don't know what people who get into schools like Michigan or the Ivy Leagues are doing in high school.

My daughter's friend who got into Yale was an Asian male with a very high wGPA who won Science Olympiad competitions and is an advanced string player.

Straight A doesn't mean anything, OP, you should know this. There is a world's difference between an A in a regular classs and an A in an AP class. Kids who get into the top colleges have 10+ APs, have a national level EC, etc. Your newpaper editing and team captainship worked a generation ago, but not today.

This is sounds exhausting. Kids have no time to be kids.

I am 44, and in my European country, high school was a stressful workathon culminating in one heck of a national exam week. I was so stressed out I couldn't eat on the first day of national exams. But that's nowhere near the worst. My cousins come from a country in Asia known for its teen suicide rate due to exam failure. Over there, when school ends for the day, the kids go to afternoon prep schools to cram. I know *elementary school kids* who had tutors to prepare for admission into the most prestigious afternoon prep schools!!! Separate from their regular school! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!?

All to say: don't ever believe the US has it bad. I promise you, even for the kids who take grades seriously... it's still a layabout's paradise.

Huh? My NYC sibling had a tutor for her 2yo to prep for preschool admissions to get into the right preschool that would line up for the right elementary. That was over 20 years ago. She had two kids - one ended up graduating from Wash U and is unemployed. The other is at an Ivy.

One of my kids had a tutor by elementary. All had tutors in high school and SAT prep. All took multiple APs, as early as 9th grade. The thing about US education isn’t that it’s laid back - it’s that it’s very individual. It’s a huge country and getting into the top 10-15 schools is very hard - but no one will force you to do those things. There are a lot of less competitive options and that’s where most of the laid back kids will end up.

And yet mine and many others are in ivies, unhooked , and got into the "top" preK and elementary, and later magnet high school, based on testing with no tutor and no prep. Rose to the top. There are naturally intelligent , self-disciplined motivated and focused kids out there. The ivies are chock full of them. Why would any parent have their kid in a school they only could survive with tutoring?

+100

My unhooked kid is headed to an Ivy. You could tell from when he was little. We never tutored or test prepped and he was self-motivated—-but frankly never had to study or struggle like other kids.

Next we will be hearing about first chairs at MCYO who never practice. Please. There exist prodigies for sure, and I've met some. Nowhere close to fill top 5, much less top 20 schools.

The PP is speaking of not needing to study as much as other kids and being highly slef motivated at school not music prodigies. The ivies are filled with naturally bright students who sailed through high school without tutors and aced the SATs and APs in the hardest classes. The vast majority of them were absolutely standout 1-2 kids in their high schools, not counting the mega donors or athletes or other big hooks. Well over half there are unhooked and were superstars in their high school. The adjustment that most will just be around average at the ivy can be hard. It is a significant mental toll on some.

The brilliant kids I know study most of the time, typically more than average kids. However, they study much harder material, so they perform at a much higher level.

I know a kid who won a silver medal at IPHO as a HS sophomore. It's no secret that he studies all day long, he will tell you this. I don't think he has a tutor in an ordinary sense, but he certainly has a lot of support. You don't get to that level on your own, just like you are not winning the Menuhin by being self-taught.

So, yes, these kids don't need to study much to get a 5 at AP, but they need to study just as much to go beyond that.

I wish brilliant lazy kids were more sought after but I don't think this is the case.

I'm active in the profoundly gifted community, and a super-high IQ doesn't necessarily translate into academic success. A lot of super-bright kids walk to the beat of their own drummers. Some of them don't go to college at all. They start businesses in high school or become so good at a niche skill (often programming) that they are able to earn a decent living at 18 rather than going to college. They often become disillusioned with the-rat-race-gotta-go-to-an-elite school perspective. Many of them make rather poor students. There's probably an optimal IQ (maybe 135?) that is ideal for getting through high school with good grades, fitting in well enough to enjoy extra-mural activities, etc. "The system" is not designed for profoundly gifted kids.

Anonymous wrote:Like so many straight A students who were chief school newspaper editor, captain of a varsity sports team, volunteering, and more who can't even get to VA Tech. I don't know what people who get into schools like Michigan or the Ivy Leagues are doing in high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like so many straight A students who were chief school newspaper editor, captain of a varsity sports team, volunteering, and more who can't even get to VA Tech. I don't know what people who get into schools like Michigan or the Ivy Leagues are doing in high school.

My daughter's friend who got into Yale was an Asian male with a very high wGPA who won Science Olympiad competitions and is an advanced string player.

Straight A doesn't mean anything, OP, you should know this. There is a world's difference between an A in a regular classs and an A in an AP class. Kids who get into the top colleges have 10+ APs, have a national level EC, etc. Your newpaper editing and team captainship worked a generation ago, but not today.

This is sounds exhausting. Kids have no time to be kids.

I am 44, and in my European country, high school was a stressful workathon culminating in one heck of a national exam week. I was so stressed out I couldn't eat on the first day of national exams. But that's nowhere near the worst. My cousins come from a country in Asia known for its teen suicide rate due to exam failure. Over there, when school ends for the day, the kids go to afternoon prep schools to cram. I know *elementary school kids* who had tutors to prepare for admission into the most prestigious afternoon prep schools!!! Separate from their regular school! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!?

All to say: don't ever believe the US has it bad. I promise you, even for the kids who take grades seriously... it's still a layabout's paradise.

Huh? My NYC sibling had a tutor for her 2yo to prep for preschool admissions to get into the right preschool that would line up for the right elementary. That was over 20 years ago. She had two kids - one ended up graduating from Wash U and is unemployed. The other is at an Ivy.

One of my kids had a tutor by elementary. All had tutors in high school and SAT prep. All took multiple APs, as early as 9th grade. The thing about US education isn’t that it’s laid back - it’s that it’s very individual. It’s a huge country and getting into the top 10-15 schools is very hard - but no one will force you to do those things. There are a lot of less competitive options and that’s where most of the laid back kids will end up.

And yet mine and many others are in ivies, unhooked , and got into the "top" preK and elementary, and later magnet high school, based on testing with no tutor and no prep. Rose to the top. There are naturally intelligent , self-disciplined motivated and focused kids out there. The ivies are chock full of them. Why would any parent have their kid in a school they only could survive with tutoring?

+100

My unhooked kid is headed to an Ivy. You could tell from when he was little. We never tutored or test prepped and he was self-motivated—-but frankly never had to study or struggle like other kids.

Next we will be hearing about first chairs at MCYO who never practice. Please. There exist prodigies for sure, and I've met some. Nowhere close to fill top 5, much less top 20 schools.

The PP is speaking of not needing to study as much as other kids and being highly slef motivated at school not music prodigies. The ivies are filled with naturally bright students who sailed through high school without tutors and aced the SATs and APs in the hardest classes. The vast majority of them were absolutely standout 1-2 kids in their high schools, not counting the mega donors or athletes or other big hooks. Well over half there are unhooked and were superstars in their high school. The adjustment that most will just be around average at the ivy can be hard. It is a significant mental toll on some.

The brilliant kids I know study most of the time, typically more than average kids. However, they study much harder material, so they perform at a much higher level.

I know a kid who won a silver medal at IPHO as a HS sophomore. It's no secret that he studies all day long, he will tell you this. I don't think he has a tutor in an ordinary sense, but he certainly has a lot of support. You don't get to that level on your own, just like you are not winning the Menuhin by being self-taught.

So, yes, these kids don't need to study much to get a 5 at AP, but they need to study just as much to go beyond that.

I wish brilliant lazy kids were more sought after but I don't think this is the case.

I'm active in the profoundly gifted community, and a super-high IQ doesn't necessarily translate into academic success. A lot of super-bright kids walk to the beat of their own drummers. Some of them don't go to college at all. They start businesses in high school or become so good at a niche skill (often programming) that they are able to earn a decent living at 18 rather than going to college. They often become disillusioned with the-rat-race-gotta-go-to-an-elite school perspective. Many of them make rather poor students. There's probably an optimal IQ (maybe 135?) that is ideal for getting through high school with good grades, fitting in well enough to enjoy extra-mural activities, etc. "The system" is not designed for profoundly gifted kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like so many straight A students who were chief school newspaper editor, captain of a varsity sports team, volunteering, and more who can't even get to VA Tech. I don't know what people who get into schools like Michigan or the Ivy Leagues are doing in high school.

My daughter's friend who got into Yale was an Asian male with a very high wGPA who won Science Olympiad competitions and is an advanced string player.

Straight A doesn't mean anything, OP, you should know this. There is a world's difference between an A in a regular classs and an A in an AP class. Kids who get into the top colleges have 10+ APs, have a national level EC, etc. Your newpaper editing and team captainship worked a generation ago, but not today.

This is sounds exhausting. Kids have no time to be kids.

I am 44, and in my European country, high school was a stressful workathon culminating in one heck of a national exam week. I was so stressed out I couldn't eat on the first day of national exams. But that's nowhere near the worst. My cousins come from a country in Asia known for its teen suicide rate due to exam failure. Over there, when school ends for the day, the kids go to afternoon prep schools to cram. I know *elementary school kids* who had tutors to prepare for admission into the most prestigious afternoon prep schools!!! Separate from their regular school! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!?

All to say: don't ever believe the US has it bad. I promise you, even for the kids who take grades seriously... it's still a layabout's paradise.

Huh? My NYC sibling had a tutor for her 2yo to prep for preschool admissions to get into the right preschool that would line up for the right elementary. That was over 20 years ago. She had two kids - one ended up graduating from Wash U and is unemployed. The other is at an Ivy.

One of my kids had a tutor by elementary. All had tutors in high school and SAT prep. All took multiple APs, as early as 9th grade. The thing about US education isn’t that it’s laid back - it’s that it’s very individual. It’s a huge country and getting into the top 10-15 schools is very hard - but no one will force you to do those things. There are a lot of less competitive options and that’s where most of the laid back kids will end up.

And yet mine and many others are in ivies, unhooked , and got into the "top" preK and elementary, and later magnet high school, based on testing with no tutor and no prep. Rose to the top. There are naturally intelligent , self-disciplined motivated and focused kids out there. The ivies are chock full of them. Why would any parent have their kid in a school they only could survive with tutoring?

+100

My unhooked kid is headed to an Ivy. You could tell from when he was little. We never tutored or test prepped and he was self-motivated—-but frankly never had to study or struggle like other kids.

Next we will be hearing about first chairs at MCYO who never practice. Please. There exist prodigies for sure, and I've met some. Nowhere close to fill top 5, much less top 20 schools.

The PP is speaking of not needing to study as much as other kids and being highly slef motivated at school not music prodigies. The ivies are filled with naturally bright students who sailed through high school without tutors and aced the SATs and APs in the hardest classes. The vast majority of them were absolutely standout 1-2 kids in their high schools, not counting the mega donors or athletes or other big hooks. Well over half there are unhooked and were superstars in their high school. The adjustment that most will just be around average at the ivy can be hard. It is a significant mental toll on some.

The brilliant kids I know study most of the time, typically more than average kids. However, they study much harder material, so they perform at a much higher level.

I know a kid who won a silver medal at IPHO as a HS sophomore. It's no secret that he studies all day long, he will tell you this. I don't think he has a tutor in an ordinary sense, but he certainly has a lot of support. You don't get to that level on your own, just like you are not winning the Menuhin by being self-taught.

So, yes, these kids don't need to study much to get a 5 at AP, but they need to study just as much to go beyond that.

I wish brilliant lazy kids were more sought after but I don't think this is the case.

Anonymous wrote:Grandchild has been recruited by 16 colleges to swim. She is interested in SLAC and div 3. Good all around student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25.

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.

Ok, if you are doing advanced math in your free time you are "a hard worker", ok? You might also be a prodigy but you are also working hard regardless of whether it is your idea (because you are interested in the subject or because you want to win a competition to get to a college) or your parents' idea, because they want to show off to their "friends". You are still putting in the time.

This idea that highly gifted students just sit on their asses all day long and go into top schools is completely ridiculous.

I was not trying to suggest that highly gifted students sit on their asses. However, there is a difference between someone working at a skill because they are intrinsically motivated to learn it (usually they do this because they also have a natural aptitude at it) vs someone who grinds away only because they have to get that A because they need to get into a good school because society said so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25.

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.

Ok, if you are doing advanced math in your free time you are "a hard worker", ok? You might also be a prodigy but you are also working hard regardless of whether it is your idea (because you are interested in the subject or because you want to win a competition to get to a college) or your parents' idea, because they want to show off to their "friends". You are still putting in the time.

This idea that highly gifted students just sit on their asses all day long and go into top schools is completely ridiculous.

I was not trying to suggest that highly gifted students sit on their asses. However, there is a difference between someone working at a skill because they are intrinsically motivated to learn it (usually they do this because they also have a natural aptitude at it) vs someone who grinds away only because they have to get that A because they need to get into a good school because society said so.

I am not sure there is that much of a difference, honestly. A lot of those highly gifted students are primarily motivated by ambition rather than love of the subject. Sure, they like the subject, but they also want to be "the best". It's a big motivator. Yes, they are socially aware, but that doesn't make them any less gifted or natural.

In any case, no parent is going to make their mediocre 16 year old grind himself to greatness.

Ha. There is a HUGE difference. The naturally gifted person has TALENT.

I wouldnt necessarily consider the grinder "smart" personally. And more commonly held is the motion they are not talented eithet

When it comes to success the talented person will need to work hard to see as much of it as they should/could/would want

Anonymous wrote:There are 3000+ 4 year colleges.

Ton of them will gladly take your money without much reservation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25.

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.

Ok, if you are doing advanced math in your free time you are "a hard worker", ok? You might also be a prodigy but you are also working hard regardless of whether it is your idea (because you are interested in the subject or because you want to win a competition to get to a college) or your parents' idea, because they want to show off to their "friends". You are still putting in the time.

This idea that highly gifted students just sit on their asses all day long and go into top schools is completely ridiculous.

I was not trying to suggest that highly gifted students sit on their asses. However, there is a difference between someone working at a skill because they are intrinsically motivated to learn it (usually they do this because they also have a natural aptitude at it) vs someone who grinds away only because they have to get that A because they need to get into a good school because society said so.

I am not sure there is that much of a difference, honestly. A lot of those highly gifted students are primarily motivated by ambition rather than love of the subject. Sure, they like the subject, but they also want to be "the best". It's a big motivator. Yes, they are socially aware, but that doesn't make them any less gifted or natural.

In any case, no parent is going to make their mediocre 16 year old grind himself to greatness.

Anonymous wrote:Grandchild has been recruited by 16 colleges to swim. She is interested in SLAC and div 3. Good all around student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25.

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.

Ok, if you are doing advanced math in your free time you are "a hard worker", ok? You might also be a prodigy but you are also working hard regardless of whether it is your idea (because you are interested in the subject or because you want to win a competition to get to a college) or your parents' idea, because they want to show off to their "friends". You are still putting in the time.

This idea that highly gifted students just sit on their asses all day long and go into top schools is completely ridiculous.

I was not trying to suggest that highly gifted students sit on their asses. However, there is a difference between someone working at a skill because they are intrinsically motivated to learn it (usually they do this because they also have a natural aptitude at it) vs someone who grinds away only because they have to get that A because they need to get into a good school because society said so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it sad to admit your child needs extra help and get them a good tutor?

Am I missing something?

I am not the PP. Reading the thread and the mentions of "sad" the word seems to relate to parents getting tutors early on just to have their kid barely cling to the top math group, or get into a top magnet high school, all the while pushing and pushing their kid to gun for ivies or even "lower" T20s when these colleges are filled with students who sailed through the hardest high school programs with no tutors. That is how I interpret it, for one: it is indeed sad to tiger-parent your child to try to be something they are not, rather than be in the math level they naturally should be in, even if that is just average in their ridiculous private school, and then trust the process that they will land in a college that suits them, where they have a chance to keep up with the other students or even stand out a little. This race to the top schools that everyone (on DCum) craves yet only a small portion of high school students academically can handle is troubling and wrong. Accept the kid you have at the level they naturally are.

This is a very american middle class white attitude. Find someplace you can excel at comfortably and go there. Big fish small pond.
The asian immigrant attitude is to strive for the most challenging atmosphere and you might find yourself rising to the occasion. Run with the swift.

They both have their pros and cons.

I'm an asian and I pretty much agree that the top schools are really made for naturally gifted kids. And not Lake Wobegon gifted, but unusually gifted kids who would read Kant or study advanced math on their own even if not forced by a parent or school curriculum. It's not that really, really, hard workers without natural talents don't deserve to be there, but they won't have as good a time and are stressed beyond belief for very little ROI. Of course, everyone believes their kid is a genius, hence, all the striving for T25.

There’s a lot to be said for this. I don’t think the top schools used to be this way though. Decades ago the kids I knew who got into T25 schools did not strike me as unusually gifted natural geniuses. I certainly met kids like that when I was at a top school but most of my classmates were “very smart but had to work hard” - like me.

IMO, there are more children of educated parents today than years ago, hence more smarter kids.

My one kid has that "natural" smarts. My other doesn't. DC is waaay smarter than either my spouse or myself. It's like they have our collective brain power. The other DC is more like us -- not super smart, above average, but has to really study to get that A. The other DC doesn't. They can do calculus in their head and does it for fun. We don't know where they got this from. LOL