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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here-  For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

[/quote]

When a child doesn't put their shoes on when asked, the usual way to deal with that is to just put them on the child.  That's pretty common.  Your way, of avoiding the issue by putting the shoes near the child and then moving away, is what I do for my ASD DC.

I don't think grandma is the issue here.  Not sure if it's your DC or your parenting style, but something is unusual.  [/quote]

I would have absolutely given clear and firm instructtions ("put your shoes on") and then if he didn't, i would have also attempted to put them on myself. But if he started yanking his feet away, thats when I would have just said "We're leaving. Put your shoes on" and walked towards the door. Signaling that its time to move on. I don't think thats permissive. I guess is more gentle that spanking him?[/quote]

And what happens when he still doesn’t put his shoes on after you have walked towards the d

oor and you actually need to leave?  Say you need to get to work or a funeral or the hospital or some other non-optional event that you can’t just call off?  What do you do then?[/quote]

This is where gentle parenting always falls apart and has no answers. When the child does what OPs does when you try to put their shoes on, gentle parenting is silent. Mine screams, tries to kick me, tries to run away, and I’m left with no answers in the moment to deal with this behavior when we really need to get somewhere.[/quote]
Do you hit your child to get them to put their shoes on?[/quote]

No, never. I just live in seething resentment and rage because I have zero control over my life and am exhausted from physically moving my heavy non-cooperative child all day, because that’s the only thing you are allowed to do in gentle parenting when all the waiting and cajoling and choices fail.[/quote]

What keeps you from switching to another non-violent form of parenting? There’s literature supporting systems like 1-2-3 Magic, and no literature supporting hitting. [/quote]

Time outs are abusive because they withhold love from the child.

And all of these behavioral techniques including 1-2-3 and time outs are coercive and manipulative which is antithetical to gentle parenting.  [/quote]

So? Who says the rules are either gentle parenting or physical violence? It seems like you’re setting up a straw man here to justify hitting kids.[/quote]

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