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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I too hate where I live. 
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.[/quote]

Take responsibility for your life and your decisions.

You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family.   Sounds like a pretty good idea.

What actual planning have you done?  Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses?  Would the numbers work?  How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale?  If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school?

You say you and your spouse could work anywhere.  Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live?  What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make?  Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work?

If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him?    It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine.  That doesn't work.

If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues.  You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying.

If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first.[/quote]

DP.  I’m in the same position as the pp. My husband and I also work in healthcare.  
All of the stuff you are describing literally takes an afternoon.  I have to give 90 days notice on my job, and I could have a new job lined up to start 90 days from now tomorrow.  I could find one for DH too, and I have found many.  I’ve called physician recruiters at specific hospitals where I know there is a job opening, and he hasn’t made time to talk to them.

He gives no reason.  He says that he will do it, but doesn’t.  Eventually, I make up an excuse so that I don’t look crazy and lose my ability to ever work there.

Looking for houses is easy and fun.  I do this all of the time in my spare time.

We don’t *have* to go near my parents either. We have a child with autism and a normal IQ.  We could live near a great school for him.  There is literally NO REASON to live here other than DH being afraid of change.

[/quote]

Ok. So actually apply for a new job where you want to live, and when you get the offer, give your 90 days notice to your existing job.

Then pick out a house you like in the new area and out down an earnest money deposit on it.    Schedule the closing for 30 days prior to the start of your new job.

Not sure if you currently rent or own but you will have to either negotiate your way out of your existing lease or put your existing house up for sale which you should do right away.

Tell your husband the family is moving and give him all the details.  Tell him you will help him find a new job.  Then do it.

Since he has told you he does want to move he will appreciate that you are doing the heavy lifting which you say is very easy for you.  Win win.

Or don't.  But stop complaining a d stop blaming your husband.[/quote]

[i]If a post on DCUM described a MAN doing everything you tell that PP to do -- effectively changing jobs, buying a house and making plans to move with zero consultation with his wife -- everyone here would roast the hell out of your idea above. And deservedly so.[/i]

If you would be furious at a man unilaterally moving the family, we should be equally furious at a woman doing the same thing. Unilateral actions should not be part of a marriage. Especially not major actions like buying a home and changing jobs and moving kids to new schools. What you advise would probably lead to a divorce, less over the move than over the total lack of any consutation and, oh yes, spending what likely is joint money, unilaterally.

But I suspect you'll say that the PP should just divorce him anyway. That's the usual drumbeat here on DCUM. Divorce!

Guess what? It's possible she might just love him, but hate where they live and hate his fear. Work on that fear first and foremost. She needs to find out [b]why[/b] he is so afraid of change, when she's shown the logistics can and do work easily in their favor. I'd wager he fears change about many other aspects of life too.

If she does what you advise, and moves the family without talking to her DH -- if he actually did come with her to HER new home in her chosen place, she would only find his fears coming up in new and different ways in the new and different location.[/quote]

Well maybe what I wrote could be interpreted this way.  But I was actually just telling that PP to stop whining and blaming her husband for her unhappiness, she actually does something to try and make changes.

That's the whole issue.  These complaining whinging spouses are unhappy and do nothing other than complain and blame it on their husbands.

She hasn't even done even a single thing towards actually preparing for a move.  It is ALL a giant fantasy and the some purpose is to blame her husband.

Why should the husband believe she is serious when all she does is whine about it?[/quote]

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