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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I too hate where I live. 
I am from rural Michigan and moved to Chicago after college for a change of scenery. Got married to a native Chicagoan. 15 years later I am just done. I hate it here, I hate the leftist crazies, I hate the identical "We Believe" signs in front of the identical houses, I hate having to socially navigate with the other insane parents around here. Every time we visit my home I cry on the way back because I want to stay so badly. My husband won't leave because he's comfortable here and he would feel guilty leaving his parents. My life is passing me by. My best friend from childhood has a lovely lakefront house that cost less than ours with lower taxes and my husband says "Maybe someday." He would never take the initiative to find a new job. We are both in healthcare and could work anywhere.
I chose to come here when I was young and stupid.[/quote]

Take responsibility for your life and your decisions.

You want to buy a Michigan lake house and move there with your family.   Sounds like a pretty good idea.

What actual planning have you done?  Have you looked at areas and priced out Michigan lake houses?  Would the numbers work?  How long would it take to sell your current house and how much could you realistically net from the sale?  If you have school age kids, where would they be going to school?

You say you and your spouse could work anywhere.  Have you polished up your resume and actually started applying for jobs near where you would like to live?  What kind of income could you expect and if less than now, what sacrifices are you prepared to make?  Do you have 12 months worth of liquid savings just in case it's not so easy for your husband or you to find suitable work?

If your husband isn't on board,have you also looked at jobs that might be suitable for him?    It doesn't sound like you've done anything at all to get him onboard with your plan except complain and whine.  That doesn't work.

If you literally cry every time you come back from a visit, that's a signal that you need therapy to address some deep rooted emotional issues.  You will not be ready to handle the stress of a major move until you can at least stop all the crying.

If you want to make things happen in your life, especially against opposition or friction, you have to get better control of yourself first.[/quote]

DP.  I’m in the same position as the pp. My husband and I also work in healthcare.  
All of the stuff you are describing literally takes an afternoon.  I have to give 90 days notice on my job, and I could have a new job lined up to start 90 days from now tomorrow.  I could find one for DH too, and I have found many.  I’ve called physician recruiters at specific hospitals where I know there is a job opening, and he hasn’t made time to talk to them.

He gives no reason.  He says that he will do it, but doesn’t.  Eventually, I make up an excuse so that I don’t look crazy and lose my ability to ever work there.

Looking for houses is easy and fun.  I do this all of the time in my spare time.

We don’t *have* to go near my parents either. We have a child with autism and a normal IQ.  We could live near a great school for him.  There is literally NO REASON to live here other than DH being afraid of change.

[/quote]

NP. You're right that finding out about houses, best areas, etc. is so very doable. Plus, it's an incredible advantage that you and your DH are BOTH in a field where you know for certain (because you've actually found the potential new jobs!) you can be employed in your desired location. I applaud you for taking all that initiative. And I applaud you even more for saying you do not *have* to live near your parents, because I think there are some posts where the "I want to go back to my hometown and live close to my family/friends" is being seen through rose-colored glasses.

So the question I have is this -- If DH is the one and only hangup, and you have already invested time and effort (yeah, it's easy but it's still your effort!), why not tell him you have done all this, and you are now going to go to couples therapy or counseling about the fact you feel stuck and he is afraid of change? I would involve a neutral third party like a therapist or counselor. Sometimes it takes an outsider to push a person to admit to fear and make a change. I'd also tell DH (if this is true) that this is starting to affect how you feel about him as a husband and you don't want resentment to fester, and you and he need this objective help. The point of therapy of course is not to help either side "win" but it sounds as if he isn't invested in "winning" at staying put, he's just hunkering down in fear of the unknown. I know, everyone on DCUM says "Therapy!" and it's not a magic bullet, but I'd tell DH that you have reached a point where the marriage is in trouble if you and he don't find a way to be happier somewhere, or where you are. [/quote]

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