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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a great deal of naïveté being expressed here as to the whole issue of sending away kids to institutions.

Yes, kids have rights. But they cannot exercise them if they cannot access someone who will help them navigate the system.

It is entirely plausible for a relatively normal kid with ADHD and some defiant behavior to end up in some kind of facility and staying there as long as the parent in control of their custody determines they should be there. Just ask Paris Hilton.

Jon didn’t know Collin was institutionalized. Collin and his siblings are all apparently estranged from aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. If the facility is controlling his communications with the outside world, how was he supposed to reach out to anyone? The typical 11, 12, 13 year old is just not that resourceful and children who grow up under the watchful eye of a narcissistic abusive parent have much less agency than typical kids. It can take years to break out of those psychological bonds and many people just never do, they are domineered by a cruel parent their entire lives. We all know of such people.

I think there are two kinds of people responding to this thread; people who have never really experienced toxic narcissism up close in a family or love relationship, and people who have - in particular people who have the firsthand experience of growing up with at least one narcissistic parent and being cast into a role in a narcissistic family model, as the scapegoat or the golden child or one of the flying monkeys.

Scapegoat children are often painted by their narcissistic parent(s) as irredeemable and fundamentally unworthy of the gift of life the parent gave them. They will paint their scapegoat child that way to anyone who will lend an ear, and they will do so even in the face of clear evidence of the accomplishments and good character of the child.

I have worked closely with people and been friends with people over many years and have had them say to me ‘any parent in their right mind would be thrilled to have such a child as you.’

But my parents were not in their right mind. Narcissistic parents never are. They are broken inside and fundamentally incapable of healthy parental love and nurture. Kate is certainly that.

Whether Collin is broken or not remains to be seen. But if he is, it is nearly all down to serious attachment issues with a mother who readily admits that she could not stand him from the earliest.[/quote]

+1 to all of this. Well said. -- scapegoat of a narcissistic mother[/quote]

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