Reply to Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you’re blessed with an intrinsically motivated kid, good for you.

Most kids are not this way s it may take years of parenting to find what they’re willing to spend time and effort doing. They may never do that. Thus yes, parents should set up incentives to do the work, get good grades.

Third level is kids incapable and need scaffolding for basic stuff, which hopefully get taken away over time. Being mentally healthy, functional and graduating high school are big wins. Very humbling to raise a special needs child, even if mild. [/quote]

Sure, the problem is how much variation on that there is in this thread. Lost screen privileges for a month for a B? Required instruments? Required sports?  Seems over the top and will not result in intrinsic motivation[/quote]

If your teen won’t ever get off the couch and you’re hearing from their teachers that they’re a problem, then yes. Your kid isn’t functioning properly, and you need to intervene. Setting basic academic expectations and standards and incentives is one of many ways to do that.

[b]But if this is about your kid getting B’s, wanting to drop their instrument or obligatory sport that they don’t enjoy, then maybe you need to go with the flow and get curious about what might interest them instead. [/b]

This may take time. They may spend more time “doing nothing” on their phone for awhile. Keep asking and listening. When teens feel empowered to choose (and believe their choices will be accepted), it seems they often figure it out and step up. [/quote]

Most kids want to drop everything as soon as there are expectations and some work is required. My own kids wanted to play an instrument, they chose their own instruments, chose their sports. They asked for all kinds of extracurriculars and were provided with excellent and supportive teachers. Nobody is berating them for failing to hit a ball or shading an object incorrectly. They are talented, they learn fast, they are winning prizes, having exhibitions, collecting followers, people admire their skills. And guess what - they still want to drop out, and are asking for yet another set of more exciting extracurriculars. [b]Which they are then going to ask to abandon after 2 weeks because it's not fun [/b]anymore. Not gonna happen.[/quote]

How old are these kids? If they are teens, then this is on you. My kids know that extracurriculars cost our family money and the expectation is that they should finish, barring abuse of some kind. 
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