Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, she said something to me last night that's tough to swallow or interpret. Basically, she tired of being my wife. Not personally, although it's hard to not take it personally. More about being in my shadow. I am in a somewhat high profile field that gets some media attention, the usual accolades if a project goes well, etc. We met in grad school so she feels its unfair and knows it not fair and she should feel happy and she is proud, etc. but it's swallowed her identity.

Also, she's tired of being in "polite society" and making small talk with my clients, etc. Holding her tongue when we entertain people whose political views she finds repugnant.

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback.[/quote]

Oh....ok. So I will share this: I have Ph.D/female. I was home for a couple of years with our first child. My husband traveled extensively for his work.This was the scenario for only about 2 years, it sounds like more years for your wife, but for us it was me home, him traveling and at peak career... but it killed me, inside, I have to say. It was very hard. I was so envious. I am competitive by nature, your wife probably is too and like you, my husband is "out there" (social, confident, etc). Meanwhile, I was home with a baby I adored but [b]understimulated[/b], [b]and sad about what seemed like my dead career[/b]. (It was not dead but it felt like it was). We had an active social life, I was not isolated...but it was not a substitute for my career. I also I didn't even really realize that was the depth of the conflict...mostly I just felt worn down and sad by the end. What helped? My going back to work. Your wife has some stuff to work out. She's not alone...but it's painful. All I can say is therapy can help. Good luck...she's struggling with feeling overshadowed and it's painful. If you can muster some love and empathy, now is the time to offer it.[/quote]

OP, I am not sure why this this is tough to swallow. I think PP does a good job of giving you the other side. Your wife may have chosen to stay home but she lost HERSELF. You met in grad school. What did you love about her then, what were her dreams and goals? Is she that person now? Are you?  She sounds depressed, longing for more out of life. Help her get it, STEP UP so that she can find HERSELF AGAIN, not your wife or Janes Mom, but the women with the grad degree and awesome brain.

I am glad that you are talking about it. I don’t think this is about divorce. It’s about listening to your partner and stepping up for her, the woman, not the wife/mother. But don’t take this on as a task on your to do list, support your partner and reread what the woman above posted…signed a professional woman with grad degree and career[/quote]

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