Reply to Wife wants to be "alone" so this means we divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for this and a lot of other replies. Yes, she does try to get me involved in decisions like camps and schools and the day to day and I will admit I fall short on those things more from a logistics standpoint - she will schedule a tour of a school or camp or activity but without notice to me my work schedule is packed and I can't make those things on 48 hours notice.

If I am accused of letting her handle the vast majority of the mental parenting load, I plead guilty. She has been a rock star in that regard and I tell her how much I appreciate what she's done.

We had a talk last night based on some advice given here. She said she's tired of the hampsterwheel and wants off. She also said something I found very hurtful: that my contribution doesn't feel equal to hers since most of what I do is professional and "you would have done that anyway" meaning it wasn't a sacrifice for her or the family. Again, totally wounding because it's completely untrue, I put in an enormous effort and reached a very high pinnacle of success professionally that I simply wouldn't have needed to do if I was only looking after me.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's helpful to hear perspectives that seem to match hers.
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OP, just reading this now.  OMG.  She is out of her mind.  Off the hamster wheel?  There is never, ever any way to get off the Mommy hamster wheel.  Getting a job just adds 40-50 hours of workload to the Mommy workload.  You are a man.  Most men aren't zipping up dinners, calling girl scout leader, and signing up for camps online.  Most parenting falls on the mother.  [b]She can, and should however, delegate to you more "defined tasks."  [/b]Maybe you can take ownership over washing dishes, emptying dishwasher, washing towels, and on weekends, driving around kids while she quarterbacks.

I think your wife is burned out.  Covid burned out a lot of people.  She needs a spa day, maybe a kid free getaway for few days, and therapy for support.

Buy her Mommy Burnout book too by Ziegler.
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I literally had to read your post a few times. What?! My husband is very successful professionally, you bet he is zipping up those dinners and signing up for camps and packing lunches. Oh, and he does the dishes and laundry too.

Folks, I have news. It’s 2021. [b]Your wife is not your maid, personal house manager, cook, and nanny, and secretary. If you treat her like that no doubt she is going to walk. This is like unpaid, repetitive, thankless work that is necessary to run any household and if you don’t want to step up don’t have a family.[/b][/quote]

Yes, especially with respect to the bolded parts. I get so tired of people telling spouses (usually the wife) “Just delegate more.” But that still means she’s in charge, and the “boss” of all those household/family things.

Being a family is a partnership — husbands and wives typically become a family AT THE SAME TIME, become parents AT THE SAME TIME. They have the same amount of experience, so why is it incumbent on the wife to delegate? A husband should also know what needs to be done without being told.[/quote]

+1. There are two separate areas here: knowing what needs to be done, and doing it. Knowing what needs to be done when kids are young and constantly changing is very time consuming. Doing is also but knowing is a huge job. From what I have seen many husbands silently offload all research, planning, and decision making to the wife. Tell me how much time you would have for yourself if you were CEO of several other people’s lives.[/quote]

This dynamic is really hard to change if the wife is voluntarily at home for a long time. I don't think its fair to put all the blame on the husband. [/quote]

Exactly why she wants to move out.[/quote]

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