Reply to Van Lifer couple camping in Utah national park - two weeks later fiancee arrives in FL alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
For all the people saying her friends and family should have done something--what exactly could they have done? She's not a minor. It's tragic. I've been a similar situation where I was trying to look out for a friend in abusive situation. Ultimately, my hands were tied, she was an adult and made the decision to stay. This is all part of the cycle of the abuse.

I think it makes us feel better to say the parents should have done x or this is on them. As horrible as it is, this could happen to anyone. Sometimes terrible bad unfair awful things happen. That is part of life. We have less control than we think. [/quote]

IDK what the parents even knew? Like have people heard that she was calling mom and saying - bf and I have been fighting, he slaps me, tries to grab my phone away, push me out of the car etc?? I haven't heard this at all. She's thousands of miles away and all they're getting from her is occasional texts/calls saying - omg Moab was sooo beautiful - and seeing this perfectly curated trip on IG. How would the parents have known?

As for friends, people are saying that they really stuck to themselves and had very few friends. That seems to be abuser 101 - separate the woman from her friends, fill her head with ideas of how bad they are, how she doesn't need them, it's you and me against the world babe. So IDK if she even had any friends that she was close enough with to share that she and Brian were fighting and he gets physical with her. And reality is at 22 with this kind of thing, you'd totally see a friend speaking out to the media - bc they knew something or even just for 15 min of fame. She's only 22 - in normal cases you'd hear from a college roommate or high school or college best friend - oh she reached out to me when she was at X on her trip or we spoke right before she was leaving or whatever, and we've heard NONE of that. We've literally heard no one speak besides mom, dad, stepdad, and I think she has 2 siblings. I think the circle was pretty small and I'm guess Brian had something to do with that.[/quote]

This is the cautionary tale right here of telling our daughters they MUST have a few people they can confide in. I get it when you're 22, you want your relationship to seem perfect (esp these days when everything must be insta perfect). You don't want to tell mom or dad anything negative about your fiancé bc he'll be part of your family and they'll forever hate him. But my god don't protect your boyfriends/fiancés this much. Confide in mom or stepdad or brother or whoever and if they hate him, they hate him at least you know they have YOUR back. And if anyone tries to get you to dump your friends or even distance yourself/not contact them as much, view that as a major red flag . . . . Like how many moms/dads tell their daughters this stuff this directly?? I feel like my parents talked to me about it when I was a LOT older - like mid 20s at least - and only bc cases like this would come up in conversation and then they'd let me know I could call anytime, anyplace, I wasn't too old to need their help, I should never let a guy tell me to ditch friends I like etc. Like we should be drilling this into women starting into high school.[/quote]

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