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[quote=Anonymous]I used to point out all I did to my DH, all the things around the house, looking for some appreciation. All it did was annoy him that I wanted the time I spent caring for children and home-care and working to be validated and valued.

Ultimately, I stopped looking to him for that validation and value, because I got none back, or worse, I got back resistance because he thought I "shouldn't need to be thanked" and we'd have a fight about the need to say thank you to your spouse for household chores.

Well, that wasn't good either. That took me way in the wrong direction as I then stopped looking for love from him, because he essentially was telling me that my need was stupid, and he wasn't going to meet it. We got emotionally really far apart as my love language (Obviously: words of appreciation) wasn't being met, even when I asked him to, or prompted him to, he really didn't want to do it. Ultimately, I wasn't meeting his needs, either (but, being a DCUM wife, let's just assume I'm perfect, shall we??), so we were both really disconnected from each other.

We are now few years down the line, after anger, resentment, an affair, therapy, books, more anger, etc.

I actually still do the stuff, but I  don't expect him to care or notice. I don't point it out any longer, because why unduly annoy him, and, to be honest, he is much better about acknowledging it now. His thanks and acknowledgement mean less than ever, though.

I'm in favor of not letting somebody else's needs dictate your happiness, but I am in favor of continued care of your spouse.

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