Reply to Husband can’t set a table and doesn’t care to learn how

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I feel like I have a husband who is equally involved in household stuff and childcare. But we definitely both have stuff we care about more than the other one. I told him before we got married that I would never learn to put my shoes away — he does it for me. He isn’t organized with paperwork so I do all of that. He does all the laundry and puts his clothes away in a very particular way. If I suddenly had to do all the laundry, I would not notice which type hanger a particular kind of shirt went on. He cannot remember where my kid’s dance class is on Tuesday night even after months. He will go to the place she gets picked up on Mondays and Wednesdays if I don’t remind him. He’s obsessed with blowing any leaves out of the garage when we have people coming over (that will never set foot in the garage). Whatever. It all evens out in the end. But I’m not blowing the leaves out the garage because people are coming over — ever.[/quote]

I'm the same. Happily married to a man with whom I agree on the important things and we both agree to let go of the little things. If he wants to spend time optimizing the wifi signal, have at it. If I want to spend time organizing the pantry cupboards, I'm free to do so. But neither of us expects the other to care.

Putting healthy food on the table for our family? That's a priority. How the silverware and napkins end up on the table? Not a priority. [/quote]

9:39 PP here

I also think this is a perfectly acceptable outlook - there are things one spouse doesn't care about, and the other spouse is good with that - as long as it goes both ways.

OP's H doesn't care about table settings, fine.  But then he shouldn't give OP grief about not caring if they have the right type of snacks or beer at home, or if the screwdriver gets put back in the garage rather than the junk drawer (random examples that are stereotypical dude-like) [/quote]

People in normal healthy marriages already know this, and live this way, which is why they can't understand OPs insistence that he must care about the table setting. The unhappily married people are the ones doling out the bad advice that he better care as much or more than OP about something she never bothered to find out about prior to marriage in order to pass this test to prove his love decades later. Ridiculous.[/quote]

THIS[/quote]

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