Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell your child the truth ...
If he/she doesn't know already.
[/quote] OP here - Well this thread was started 3 weeks ago.....not to be a jerk but if you had read through any of this you would see that stbx told our kid immediately. He couldn't wait to break the news. I was not included in that decision which is now having repercussions for stbx. Not my problem.

Update from me: DH served me with divorce papers this week but I had already spent last week interviewing lawyers and I paid my retainer last Friday, so my attorney is dealing with his and she will update me when there's anything I need to start doing. I'm not freaking out. Based on conversations with several lawyers I will not be screwed financially. I have minimal communication with stbx. He's suddenly trying to be nice about certain things. Because I basically gave him no reaction when he said he wants a divorce, other than "ok", he now seems to be working hard to get my attention and show me that he's actually a really good guy. To which I say(in my head): spare me, and save it for your girlfriend. I'm saving my energy for my legal battle, taking care of myself, and MOST IMPORTANTLY for our kid.[/quote]

Glad to hear you are on track.

Do you think he's being nicer because you've been acting low conflict?  Or because of guilt?

Sounds like calm and minimal reaction is the way to go. [/quote] He's very shame/guilt driven. He has to be baffled by my non-responses. But hey, I spent the last few decades going to therapy and working on myself and it turns out I was finally able to access those tools and go through this process without feeling like crap about myself. It's an interesting time for sure. People who know me well keep saying "is it weird to say you look amazing right now?" Nah not weird. I'll take it. I did not realize how heavy this weight was and how it was killing me slowly inside. I have a lot of hope for the future. I'm not angry (ok some stuff pisses me off but my reactions are pretty measured) I wish him well. I hope he finds whatever he's looking for. Our kid deserves a present dad. And did I say my kid rocks? Because my kid rocks.[/quote]

It's great that you're not being the caricature he undoubtedly made in his head.  You're going to do great on the other side of this.  Sounds like OW was a cope/avoidance strategy.[/quote]

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