Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it rude to say I didn't want to be a SAHP because I wanted my kids to be raise in a stimulating environment instead of[b] spending their days watching tv and running errands to Costco. [/b]
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You're just talking about how YOU would be as a SAHP, not how all or most SAHPs are. Maybe your best if you were to SAH would be to turn on TV and take kids to Costco but that certainly doesn't describe the SAHPs I know.[/quote]

I was a sahm for a couple years and actually there were some days that were mostly running errands to places like Target. This isn't really the point though. I didn't feel the need to fill my days with "enrichment activities" because the reason I stayed home was simply to spend time with my DD and and enjoy that time together. No I did not teach her to speak french or do pirouettes and she still has normal kid issues like picky eating or sometimes being shy at the playground or whatever. I didn't stay home with her to optimize her as a person. It wasn't to play the long game on college apps.

I just really loved hanging out with her and I though it would be great for both of us and our relationship if we got a couple years of togetherness. So yes I took her grocery shopping and to Target and to get oil changed. I also took her to the park and to museums. I also hung out at home with her. Yes I sometimes let her watch TV while I made dinner or just took a break and no it was not exclusively high minded educational programming. I limited screen time but still used it sometimes.

She's a really great kid. She is actually a whiz at school though I don't think that has much to do with me being a sahm for a time -- I think she's just a bright kid who likes school and that would have happened regardless. She's also on the shy side and slow to warm and I also think that was fairly inevitable too -- it's just her personality and she was like that as a baby too. I'd take her to mommy and me stuff and she'd hang back from the other babies and play on her own. I don't think you can fundamentally alter a child's nature by staying home or putting them in childcare.

But we have a great relationship. She trusts me and we communicate really well. She feels really loved and accepted and safe at home. I think you can give a kid this without staying home but staying home is how I gave my kid this. No regrets. I also personally really enjoyed it. If I had hated it then I would have just gone back to work and found another way to build our relationship and trust.

This isn't rocket science. I don't judge anyone else for their choices. I think it's weird how some of you are talking about being a sahm though -- as though all sahms are either aggressively optimizing childhood 24-7 or they are uneducated dullards planting kids in front of the TV. I don't know anyone who fits either of those descriptions and they feel like weird fantasies you are projecting because of your own issues and feelings about motherhood.[/quote]

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