Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The number #1 most effective way to end an affair, that you know is happening, is to contact [u]the other betrayed spouse[/u]. If you can call them at work or email them, start with that. Share the emails and phone records or skype conversations that you know about. They will want the proof, and deserve to have it. If both betrayed spouses are aware of it, the affair will end. Affairs thrive on secrecy, and once they are "outed" then you will have a chance to figure out what you want to do. Marriage counseling will not be effective if the affair is ongoing. The definition of "ongoing" is any contact at all between the two people. Stay your ground, contact the other spouse, insist on "no contact" between the people in an affair, and go to counseling if you can. The counseling may help you prepare for a better marriage, or it may help you see other options. Your choice.

Do not bother to contact the affair lover. They will deny and will simply call you "crazy." You are not crazy.

Do not try to unilaterally improve everything at home. All of the dishes you wash, chores you complete, sex, etc. will not end the affair. It is not about you.

An emotional affair is an affair. The trust is broken. 
[/quote]

I can think of a few problems with this approach and it ultimately does not improve trust between you and your spouse:

1) The spouse thinks you are crazy and doesn't believe you.

2) Say you are successful and you ruin the other person's marriage.  Aren't you making the other person more available for your spouse by making her/him single?

3) Say you get what you want and you break up the affair.  Who's to say your cheating spouse won't just find someone else since he/she was out there looking in the first place?  The other person is just a symptom of what is wrong in your marriage, not the problem.

I think you should only deal with your spouse because all odds are off when you get in the middle of the other couple's marriage.  You come off as seeming vindictive and a looney toon.  You can, however, insist on your spouse ending contact with the other person and work on your relationship.  Focus on your marriage not the other person's would be the best approach at ending the affair and ending the possibility of future affairs.

Just my two cents. [/quote]

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