Reply to I can't be friends with moms of 3+ kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not as judgmental about it as OP. I think people should have whatever kind of family makes sense for them, and I know people with 3+ kids and it's what they want and their families seem happy. It's not what I want for myself, but I don't think there is something wrong with it.

However, I do agree that as a parent with just one kid, 3 kids is about when our lives just don't match up well enough for us to maintain a close friendship. I have a sibling with 4 kids and we have some good friends with 3. And the thing that is challenging about it is that the dynamics of their family just kind of dictate everything. I feel like we are constantly being asked to accommodate them and never the other way around. It winds up feeling like a very one way relationship. And OP is right that having a ton of young kids around just kind of kills adult conversation, especially because of the age differences -- there's always an older kid who is bored and wants to go home, or a younger kid who needs more focused attention. It's so much easier to just get together with people who have 1-2 kids. The adults will outnumber them, and with fewer kids, often age differenced don't matter as much because the kids will just accept it instead of segmenting themselves by age group.

Also, I discovered a while back that having large families over to our house, which is a small 3 bedroom with a somewhat small outdoor area, is a disaster. We just stopped inviting our friends/family with large families because when they come it gets so loud and chaotic and someone is always getting into something. They just kind of take over and then they bicker with each other and it winds up being too overwhelming for us (we're used to much mellower gatherings).

But again, I could do without the judgment. I don't think there's anything wrong with a large family. But that doesn't mean I'm desperate to hang out with them either.[/quote]

I agree -- the dynamics can change, the logistics are harder, and the smaller family is always expected to accommodate the larger.  And, frankly, I've had one too many moms of 3+ kids make snarky comments about my only child -- how lonely she must be (no, she's not, thanks for your fake concern), or implying that you're not a "real" mom or a "real" family if you don't have multiple kids, or acting like they know everything about childrearing (no, your sample size of three is not statistically different from mine of one).  There are certainly moms with multiple kids who manage not to be condescending (I'm good friends with several!), but I've encountered too many, personally.  Although to be fair, it's not about how many kids they have -- someone who is judgmental or condescending about kids is likely judgmental and condescending in general, and would be like that with or without children and regardless of how many they have.  I chalk my experiences up to bad luck, but there you are.    [/quote]

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